Well, that's not entirely true. I have awakened in horror more than once to find a homely woman I don't know wearing a leopard thong, leaning over my sink and putting on makeup the morning after an evening I can't remember.

A lot more than once, actually.

Still, thank God I prefer bubble baths.

I don't understand why good things always turn out to be bad. Why do pills that make you hard also make you blind? Why do joggers drop dead of heart attacks? Why is Whole Foods run by a Republican?

It's like we don't have a sky over our heads anymore. Instead, there's a monstrous showerhead raining nasty down on everybody.

The food that tastes good is always bad for you. That's why Cheez Whiz is cheaper than lettuce. The Internet gives every Tom, Dick and Dipshit an electronic voice. But it also gave us trolls, Matt Drudge and that Bud Light video about "getting it in the can."

Morley Safer was spot on when he said he trusts citizen journalism as much as he would trust citizen surgery.

This cruel paradox batters marketing. If digital technology is so accountable, why is nobody satisfied with online metrics? If clients are looking for great consumer insights, why is every media review still about money? If I was watching the future of television on NBC last night, why did it look and sound like "The Tonight Show" circa 1992? With the same guest. And the same jokes, which weren't funny in 1992, either.

Next week, we'll all be trying to avoid Advertising Week, which sounded like a great idea when I first heard it. But what's the most memorable thing about it? An icon parade. What, the industry's reputation wasn't bad enough already? (This year, I'm voting for Ed Whitacre.)

To be fair, Advertising Week tries very hard to be relevant, and if their damn Web site loaded properly, I'm sure I'd find plenty o' substance. But no doubt that agenda will go all showerhead on us, too.

Just like the Coalition for Innovative Media Measurement will.

And Cannes did.

And the 4As media conference.

And on and on.

The road to hell is paved with ideas that sounded swell when you first heard them. Just ask DDB Brasil.

The business, just like the country, has reached Jay Chiat's infamous tipping point. We now know how big we can get before we get bad: This big.

And all we wanted to do was make some good ads, craft some effective plans, do a little persuading, move some product and retire to a beach house in the Hamptons next to Donny Deutsch.

Maybe reverse psychology can lift the curse and make us effective communicators again. The next time you write an ad or activate a plan, don't listen to good ideas. Forget about what's best for the client. Choose the absolute worst approach you can think of and do that.

Then go take a bubble bath.

This commentary is insightful. I recommend it to others.