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HOME • MANAGE SUBSCRIPTIONS • MEDIA KIT
How Bid Technology Got Me Banned From The Delivery Room
by Chris Copeland, Friday, July 6, 2007, 10:00 AM

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Sometime in the next 10 days I am supposed to become a father for the second time. I say "supposed to" because my wife was told 10 days ago that she should have this child at any time. Our first daughter was born two weeks early and now we have received a dubious prognostication of the newborn's arrival that has yet to be true. That, combined with my wife's doctor proclaiming that a healthy and on-time delivery could be between 37 and 42 weeks, has gotten me second-guessing our decision process.

When my wife chose this doctor, she did so based on recommendations and proof of many successful results produced. These line the walls of the many exam rooms we have been in and seemed to me to be a clear indication in quantifiable form that our doctor was quite good at her job. But, that was three long years ago, and the experience of my day-to-day life as a search marketer has allowed me to clearly see that perhaps she is not as good as all the pictures of smiling mothers and healthy babies originally led me to believe.

This led me to an exchange that will forever be known in my house as "The Last Time Chris Goes to the Doctor With His Wife."

It started simply enough. Upon completing a recent exam, the doctor proclaimed that while we were not progressing, we were not going backwards. And thus began the following:

Me: "So doc, in my business clients expect results, and I'm getting worried about your forecasting ability."

She stares blankly at me, so I continue.

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Me: "Obviously when we had our first child she was early and you delivered her. She's doing great but maybe I gave you too much credit. Tell me, what role do the machines play in the process."

She's now looking befuddled. "The machines?" she asks.

Me: "Yes, the machines, like the one that takes the pictures."

Doctor: "You mean the ultrasound machine."

Me: "Yeah, that one and that heart rate machine. Do you own those machines?"

Doctor: "Ummm, no, those are hospital property."

Me: "So, if you don't own the machines, I assume you didn't build them?"

Doctor: "Of course not."

Me: "Well, in my business the prevailing sentiment is, if you didn't build the machine and you don't own the machine, surely the machines you use are not as good as the machines of others."

By this point, the doctor's arms are crossed, and she is just staring at me. Meanwhile, my wife is making one of those faces at me.

I press on. "So, if you don't own them and didn't build them, who knows the most about the machines in the hospital?"

By now she's humoring me, I think. "Well, Chris, that would be the technician," she says.

"Excellent," I say, "and was he in the room last time?"

"Um, no. He's a software and hardware guy," she replies.

"But if he knows the machines best, surely he must be key to the process. How can we bring a life into the world using machines to guide us, but not the specialist in the foreground?" I ask.

"Listen, if you want to be close to the technician, maybe you two can sit outside. Your wife does the work, I guide her and the machines act as diagnostics," she finally declares.

With that she tells my wife she'd see us soon, and leaves.

What I learned from all of this is, as usual, I should stick to search -- a world where people expect technology to do all of the work and deliver results, while the humans sit in the background. Clearly it is very different from the process where life is brought into the world and technology is used for diagnostic purposes.

But hey, we've always said search isn't brain surgery. Now we can include birthing babies on that list.

1 person recommends this article. 

4 comments on "How Bid Technology Got Me Banned From The Delivery Room"

  1. Daniel Ruiz from Self
    commented on: July 08, 2007 at 3:48 PM
    lol, you were a d*ck but lol, i bet she went home and told her husband about how out of nowhere you came at her. the funniest is that you didn't let up, ha. but it makes me think of the rules of ordering food at restaurants, so yeah, you should stay away and outside dude. heh, peace

  2. Roy Perry from Greater Media Philadelphia
    commented on: July 06, 2007 at 1:21 PM
    Hilarious! Nice to encounter a sense of humor every couple of months. Your point about the logical goal of search being to perfect itself and elminate the machines' annoying human accessories is well taken...I hope.

  3. Steven Weiner from Readmore Communications
    commented on: July 06, 2007 at 1:18 PM
    You are way, way too far into your work, or maybe just way, way too distracted by real life to recognize how thoroughly out of line your conversation was with the doc. Leave it entirely alone. Childbirth has nothing to do with your blog.

  4. Kristen Nomura from cleargauge inc
    commented on: July 06, 2007 at 10:50 AM
    I'm sure you must be eager to meet your new baby, but upon reading this article, I felt your attack on the doctor was unfounded.

    Sure, "machines" and technology help doctors in their jobs, just as they help us in the search marketing world. But in my experience, these technologies are only effective when the people behind them make smart decisions about how to use them.

    So the analogy might be that, while a technician might know exactly how an ultrasound machine works, he/she may not be able to interpret the results into intelligent medical diagnoses. Similarly, you could train someone to use a bid management system, web analytics, or whatever -- but if they don't understand the business aspect of what these tools can do, they could easily jump to incorrect conclusions about how to optimize a campaign, website, etc.

    Anyway, if I were that doctor, I'd ban you from my office, too. But even so, I wish you and your wife the best -- and hopefully that kid comes along soon :)

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CHRIS COPELAND
  • Chris Copeland is CEO of GroupM Search -- The Americas, a division of GroupM. GroupM Search is a global integrated search marketing specialist that includes Outrider, MEC Interaction, MindShare Search and MediaCom Search. Follow Chris on Twitter: @SearchBoss. Contact him here.


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