• December 20, 2011

NORAD will be doing location-based updates on Santa Claus' whereabouts on Christmas Eve.

Now, for a subset of other cynics who may wonder how the heck NORAD (and by extension other government intel agencies you are supporting) plans to keep tabs on St. Nick if it couldn't figure out that deceased blackguard Kim Jong Il was building fission nukes in his back yard, or that the diabolic, and sartorially-repressed dictator had actually passed away, GM's OnStar unit is helping out on this one.

On Christmas Eve, OnStar Advisors will provide specific location-based updates on Santa Claus’ annual trek around the world based on NORAD data. The automaker says that, starting at 7 p.m. EST on Christmas Eve, OnStar subscribers, including OnStar FMV owners, can press the blue OnStar button in their vehicles to request a “Santa Update.” OnStar advisors will share Santa’s current location through 5 a.m. EST Christmas morning.

The extremely bored hobbits at NORAD will use the North Warning Radar System, geo-synchronous satellites with infrared sensors and other technologies to monitor Santa’s Christmas Eve travels and share the information with children and families around the world.