• by David Goetzl  @dgoetzl, April 4, 2012

What a great day for Republicans searching for talking points before the Sunday morning talk shows. Thank you, Discovery Communications, the GOP must be saying.

You can envision it now …

David Gregory on “Meet the Press” holding a one-on-one with Rick Santorum or ideological kin. Topic: President Obama’s refusal to green light the full Keystone Pipeline that would deliver oil from Canada to the southern U.S. and maybe help lower gas prices.

Pretty soon, however, Discovery’s decision to jettison Planet Green and turn it into the Destination America network becomes the jumping-off point for political maneuvering.

David Gregory tosses the first question Santorum’s way and they're off …

Gregory: Environmentalists seem to have persuaded President Obama that the Keystone project could negatively impact climate change, reduce clean water and cause pollution. Is this a sign that the environmental movement continues to remain popular among the American people?

Santorum: Hardly. Soon after it launched, Discovery found the “eco-lifestyle” Planet Green had fewer viewers than oil executives at a Sierra Club meeting. The green theme had them in the red. So, they tried to revamp the network -- but kept the Planet Green brand. No luck. People kept associating it with the Birkenstock crowd. So this week, Discovery gave up and announced it would become a whole new channel: Destination America.

Gregory: With its programming plans, Destination America seems like an appeal to our collective patriotism -- a chance to celebrate this great country. You’ve got to support that?

Santorum: Only because the liberal media elite seem to finally be realizing that there is more to this country than Massachusetts moderates, New York socialists and San Francisco community organizers who worship Saul Alinsky.

Gregory: How so?

Santorum: Discovery CEO David Zaslav is a very smart fellow. A mensch, some say. But, he was a max donor to Hillary Clinton in the 2008 campaign. He owns an apartment on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Need I tell you that's a liberal bastion (maybe not his expensive building, but still). And yet, look at the comments he made to USA Today.

Gregory: I suppose you wouldn't be citing them if he said something about Rachel Maddow taking Planet Green's audience?

Santorum: He said exactly what Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes did when they founded Fox News. There was a concession TV executives have forgotten about millions of hard-working Americans between the coasts. These are people who pay their taxes, but then find Washington gives them nothing in return. (Discovery, by the way, is located right outside D.C., so you know its employees are influenced by people who work in the bloated federal government.) 

Gregory: We’re getting way off-point, what did David Zaslav say to USA Today about Destination America?

Santorum: "We became convinced there was an opening there to build a channel based on middle America, strong values, behavior and customs," he said.

Gregory: Moving on, one of the shows on the new network will be “BBQ Pitmasters,” where barbecue stars compete to make the best Kansas City burnt ends and other styles we all love. You’ll be campaigning in North Carolina and Texas soon -- as long as you stay in the race -- so I’m sure you’re disappointed the show won’t premiere until a little after those primaries. It would help you study up on Carolina pulled pork and Central Texas sausage for stump speeches.

Santorum: It would certainly help me seem more knowledgeable than my opponent Mitt Romney talking about biscuits and cheesy grits as he did in the South.

Gregory: I’m sure you’ll be tuning in to “Fast Food Mania,” where they’ll hunt for unusual fast food offerings around the globe.

Santorum: No. That’s hosted by Jon Hein, who hosts a show on Howard Stern’s radio network. Needless to say, Stern has some moral issues to answer for.

Gregory: Any ideas for shows you’d like to see? How about something on the triumph of the American car industry?

Santorum: No. They’d probably hire Clint Eastwood to host it and turn it into a commercial for the Obama campaign and front for the auto bailouts.

Gregory: That seems unlikely. Discovery has Henry Schleiff leading the network and he’s suggested politics won’t play a role.

Santorum: I like what Henry stood for when he led the Hallmark Channel with its family-friendly programming. But, during the last campaign, he donated to Obama and Clinton and McCain. Like Gov. Romney, he may be trying to be all things to all people.

Gregory: Some might say that while you don't like that in politics, it is the point in TV. Even Roger Ailes would love Democrats to help with higher ratings.