Commentary

Final Score: Heidi Klum 3.2 Million - Super Bowl 0

Acknowledging for the 42nd year in a row that some wrong-thinking Americans don't want pictures of the world's best looking women in itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny bathing suits (or often, just a coat of paint or sand) commingling with prize fighters getting a right cross nose-job or football players crushing one another's body parts, Sports Illustrated more prominently promoted that readers could opt-out of getting the offending annual swimsuit issue by calling a toll free number.

But in an unexpected development, 3.199 of the magazine's 3.2 million subscribers called to opt out of the regular weekly issue and asked instead to get 52 swimsuit issues.

Suspecting a technology glitch in the toll free number system, Sports Illustrated managing editor Terry McDonell called 400,000 subscribers (no mean feat in states with strictly enforced Do Not Call Registries) and reported that, indeed, there was a unanimous consensus to dump the NFL, NBA, MLB, and all college sports reporting in favor of weekly coverage of nearly-naked super models.

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"I confess it is a good deal more interesting to paint a Czechoslovakian flag on the left breast of Veronica Varekova on a beach in Bali than it is to interview Herman Edwards in a locker room at the Meadowlands," says McDonell. "But we'll have to think about how to subtly remove 'Sports' from our title without alienating the 1,000 readers who buy the magazine to see if their kids made it into 'Faces In the Crowd.'"

Thanks to the newly launched "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Search" on NBC (the sports network with the broadcast rights to NHL hockey) the magazine won't run out of attractive women willing to wear bathing suits more revealing than the nude baby photos they refuse to show relatives.

Art Berke, a spokesman for SI, said that although the budgets were still being configured, it might cost Time Warner less to publish a thinly-disguised weekly skin magazine than it does to pay sports reporters and editors.

"Especially Rick Reilly," said Berke. "He's a funny guy, and by gosh, we'll miss him around the office, but it would cost us a whole lot less to run Carolyn Murphy face-planted in a bunch of bananas, than 600 humorous words from Reilly. Beside, I don't think there is much of an aftermarket for Rick Reilly calendars and posters."

Time Warner already publishes magazines filled with photos of women revealing a fair amount of cleavage, among them Entertainment Weekly, InStyle, and People.

"I don't view a shift by SI to all-almost-nude-models-all-the-time as competitive with our cleavage group," says Ann Moore, chairman and chief executive officer, of Time Inc. "I think their audience will continue to skew Neanderthal which attracts a difference set of advertisers than movie stars in skimpy dresses."

The surprise reverse opt-out has discouraged other Time Inc. magazines from testing for reader preferences. TIME Magazine has pulled back from a toll free survey that would allow readers to vote if they'd prefer more coverage of George Bush and Condoleezza Rice or more screen grabs from Paris Hilton videos.

"Sometimes a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing," says Berke.

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