Commentary

All Trump, All The Time: Watching TV With Hillary Clinton

How does Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton escape from the daily grind of campaigning? By watching TV, of course – although the campaign is never far from her thoughts …

At last, some time to myself! Where’s my ‘Golden Girls’? … click

Oops! There’s Trump. Another interview with Bill O’Reilly … Or is that Hannity? … I’m 'crooked'? Up yours, dipwad! … click

Where’s Lifetime? That’s for women, of which I am one. … What’s this show? 'Little Women'? I remember that book … Wait a minute, these women are literally little! Well, dwarfs gotta make a living too! Ha! … click

I know! Bravo has lots of shows about real housewives, and that’s the group I need to reach … Here they are now … Wait a minute, is this them? Where are these women from? Mars? They’re like eight feet tall! … click

Ah, PBS might have something to watch … Crap! It’s pledge month! … Who’s that? Little Anthony? Is he still alive? Oh, yes, 'Tears On My Pillow' … I know that song! … click

I know I should avoid CNN, but … What? Trump again? Another interview … Who’s he blasting now? Mexicans, Muslims, Gold Star families … It’s all a blur. … Clueless nincompoop. I can’t believe I’m running against this guy … click

I know, maybe a cooking show. Where’s that Martha Stewart baking show? Ah, there she is … Yum, cookies. I like eatin’ ’em, but not bakin’ ’em! Ha! … click

I wonder if 'Project Runway's' on? If they’re not doing pantsuits, I’m not interested … click … 

Oh, I just remembered! CBS has some show about a female secretary of state … When’s that thing on? I think it’s called 'Modern Secretary' or something like that. … Or am I thinking of 'Modern Family'? Is that a show? … click

Oh, here’s something that looks familiar. It’s an old comedy from the ’90s, back when I was wife-president … That girl looks like the one in 'Veep'. I like that show, but I wouldn’t want that job! Ha, ha! … click

Oops! What’s this? C-Span? Oh God, it’s Trump again and he’s making a speech. And what’s that behind him? Looks like a stack of hay bales … Oh jeez, he’s wearing that stupid hat again too … Yeah? Make this great again, butthead! … There’s no escaping this guy … click

So many channels and so little to watch … unless you want to see Trump every other minute. What’s with this guy? Does he own the television business or what? … Here’s something he’s not on … Is that Judge Judy? I like it when she yells at people and tells them to shut up … She’s a pisser! … I wonder if she would campaign for me … click

It’s getting late … I wonder if Trump is on any of the late-night shows … Ugh, there you go again, Hillary, obsessing about Trump. Forget about him, will ya? … Maybe there’s an old movie on TCM. Ugh, this again? How many times can a person watch ‘Meet Me in St. Louis’? … click

TV is so depressing … I know, maybe Rachel Maddow’s on. She likes me. She really likes me. … Oh, well, she’s not on, but 'Lockup' is. Well, prison is one place I’m never going to go, God willing! Ha! … click

[Yawn] I wonder where Bill is … He should have been home hours ago … [Zzzzz]

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