• by Larry Dobrow , Featured Columnist, September 9, 2016

Ah, normalcy. The weather has started to turn. The kids are somebody else’s problem during the workday. And marketers have reemerged to charm and delight us with brand-video plays set in and around the autumn mainstays of back-to-school and football.

Wait – what? Who? How? Why?

We’re so impressed with the cadence and grandeur of our word-writeyness here at Video Critique that we rarely pause to give readers time to ingest the clip we’re covering. But this week, I’m gonna have to insist that you stop reading and check out this dance-like-everybody-is-watching squawk for attention by oh-so-elegant luxury brand Kenzo.

(If you haven’t already, that is. Since I was on vacation last week, or as much on “vacation” as one can be with a sand-eating two-year-old in tow, I automatically assume everyone else was as well. Judging by the YouTube view counter, it is within the realm of possibility that I’m a week or three behind the curve.)

Here it is again. Watch.

It comes to us courtesy of one of the coolest, most credible auteurs of the last two decades, the great Spike Jonze. Owing to the wit, visualflair and practicedeccentricity of his music/brandvideos and films, Jonze’s work routinely went viral before the notion of “going viral” existed.

Which is why it’s such a bummer that “Kenzo World – The New Fragrance” is less a typically whimsical Jonzean joint than a loud, dopey “yoo hoo!!! over here!!!!!!” The only plausible explanation is that Kenzo heard about this “viral video” thing that all the kids do on their computer cell snap phones and decided that it wanted in, no matter how high the cost.

As for what prompted Jonze to involve himself with a project of this nature, your guess is as good as mine. For giggles? For the cash? To reestablish his play-nice-with-brands bona fides? These are all perfectly acceptable motivations. It’s still inexplicable that Jonze would rehash one of his best-known bits – Christopher Walken dancercizing up a storm in the video for Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice” – for a needy brand’s transparent viral play.

“Kenzo World” looses Leftovers star Margaret Qualley on a selectively abandoned Lincoln Center. Bored by a toast at the hoity-toity wedding she’s attending, Qualley takes to the hallway outside the reception room. There, she starts making the type of faces commonly associated with dullard uncles trying (and failing) to entertain their newborn nieces or nephews.

And then, for the next two-and-a-half minutes, she dances, assuming you subscribe to a definition of “dance” sufficiently expansive as to include donkey kicks, statue-licking and shooting laser beams out of one’s index fingers. Some of the sequences are gymnastic in nature, while others tap Qualley’s formal training. It doesn’t matter. This thing exists for no other purpose than to generate “you’ve got to see this [insane/bonkers/wild] Spike Jonze video!” social-media mentions, ideally with a product mention in the first two sentences of the text accompanying the embedded clip.

Meanwhile, here’s a quick quiz for the few of you who have read this far: What’s the name of the fragrance brand that underwrites this clip? What’s the new product it purports to promote? No peeking.

I’d wager that a majority of the two million-plus people who watched this thing wouldn’t be able to answer those questions correctly. The post-viewing takeaways, in approximate order, are likely: Spike Jonze, woman from The Leftovers, and maybe video that’s like the Christopher Walken video but with a woman in the Christopher Walken role.

Thus “Kenzo World” buffs its eponymous brand and new product far less than it does the generic brands of “green dress” and “crazy wacky dancing.” There’s no brand signage or connection. Aside from what may or may not be a subtle armpit sniff during the accosts-random-person segment of the clip, there’s nothing here that suggests any kind of sensory component or experience.

It’s a waste of time, talent and, presumably, piles of money. The moral of this story: Live by the viral stunt, die by the viral stunt.