If Media Classifieds Were Really Media Classifieds

Single white-shoe agency seeks rich client. Must like lots of market research and planning, but not put too much scrutiny on billed hours. If you enjoy long waits for creative changes and reissues of media charts, then give a call. No yellers.

Megalogargantuan consumer products company seeks agency for piece work. Must be local, cheap and forgiving. Supportive of multiple relationships a must. Hey, baby, it’s the 00’s. Swingers only.

Mid-sized technology company looking for faithful agency. Had six relationships in the last year, and all of them were broken due to severe agency problems. Would love to talk a lot about how bad the other agencies are. Ad nauseum. Have lots of money because other agencies didn’t get paid. Let’s get together and do lots of spec work.

Super-cool creative boutique seeks client good enough for self. Hot, young agency seeks San Francisco or Seattle client for frequent agency travel. No media clients need apply. Must meet strict sartorial requirements lest our superior attitude get in way of creative work. Call us if you know the number. If you don’t then, well, you shouldn’t.

Direct response company seeks general media agency for vast, expensive experiment doomed to failure. Founder-run enterprise given permission to experiment with “branding” even though founder doesn’t believe in “branding.” Agency must have many “brandings” on staff, or use “brandings” in their work, or maybe just use the term “branding” a lot. Pay on performance.

Competent, experienced business development team seeks client tolerant of shift to actual staff of semi-literate, just-out-of-college nincompoops. Development team members promise to visit account at least annually, especially during contract renegotiations. Client with innocent, naïve staff counterparts a must.

Publicly traded company with extra profits to hide until next quarter seeks agency willing to plan enormous campaign that will never run. If you love the planning process, then you will love this account. Compensation on commission.

If you’d like to contribute your own company classified, you may do it on the Spin Board. $5 a word, first 500 free.

Recommend (2) Print RSS