Commentary

Bytes & Bites

Then, Place Your Backpack In The Most Crowded Car

Al Jazeera is launching a pan-Arabic, free-to-air children's channel with plans to distribute it to Europe and the Arab world through its sister company Legarde Networks International. Great, now we have to be afraid of 10-year-olds too.

COMEONDOWNFORAGREATDEAL,OURADDRESSIS..."...Hey, we're back with the great sounds of...

Clear Channel President/CEO John Hogan says that Clear Channel has just "begun to scratch the surface" with Less Is More, and that they will be introducing a new commercial strategy of five-second spots, called "ad-lets." Let's see--that's now 36 annoying ads each break.

Not To Mention The Guy Eating Chinese Food In the Next Row

According to a Brandimensions study, 44 percent of online respondents say the No. 1 reason for not going to the theater is bad movies. Undeterred, Tom Rothman, co-chairman of 20th Century Fox, sees no negative trend in the current numbers. "Everybody keeps saying it's the worst of times; it seems fine to me." Well, yes--then you see movies in the privacy of your own screening room, and when you have to pee, you just hit a button and the film pauses until you get back.

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Proof That Prison Doesn't Reform Behavior

Time's Michele Orecklin: "How do you differ from Donald Trump as a boss?"

Martha Stewart: "Donald loves to fire people. I find it an extremely unpleasant exercise. I have other people do it for me."

Something Else TV Can Learn From Online: Frequency Capping

A new PreTesting Company study using set-top boxes to monitor second-by-second airing of TV commercials has shown that TV consumers tire easily of traditional five-week-long TV advertising campaigns. After two weeks of watching commercials, viewers generally become fatigued, said a PreTesting exec. This, of course, assumes you only watch TV once a week.

Yes, I DO Rather Like My Beer Belly and Thunder Thighs

The first baby boomers will start turning 60 on Jan. 1. "There's no question--baby boomers feel better about their bodies," Kelly Simmons, president of a brand consulting company called Bubble tells the NYT. So everyone is just going to the gym to watch plasma TVs though earphones, right?

Not to Mention My Receding Hairline

Alcoholic beverage companies have been ordered to hire uglier men for their advertisements in Britain, to avoid suggesting there is a link between boozing and sexual success. Men who star in alcohol ads that target women should be "balding" and "paunchy" rather than "attractive and desirable", according to guidance issued by the Advertising Standards Authority. Besides, after a half dozen shots, they all begin to look like Hugh Grant.

Seems Somehow Appropriate

In Russia, Vardan Kushnir, age 35, was bludgeoned to death in his apartment in Moscow. Kushnir was Moscow's premiere spammer. Police are questioning 250 million suspects.

GPS Voice: "OK, Dude--Now Accelerate to 130 MPH As Fast As You Can!"

Seana Mulcahy writes of a rumor that it is possible for a virus to infect the onboard computer systems of Lexus and Toyota. "I am NOT drunk, officer--I was closing pop ups off the windshield."

Which Explains Why They Are Held in Cannes and Not Newark

Creativity-awards shows, such as Cannes and Clios, do long-term damage to the industry by making creative folks think that they are making movies and not commercials, writes advertising and marketing guru Jack Trout. "All of this undermines the industry's perceptions of being strategic in its work. It would be like lawyers having awards for creativity in trials. Agencies are supposed to be professionals helping clients solve problems and sell products. Their award should be getting to keep the account." Amen, brother.

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