• by Paul Gough , May 19, 2004

In pitching its new fall schedule to advertisers Wednesday afternoon at Carnegie Hall, CBS enlisted the help of a varied and (sometimes unlikely) cast.

Ray Romano and the cast of "Everybody Loves Raymond" made a final appearance at a CBS upfront presentation, as did what CBS hopes will be the stars of its future, including Gary Sinise and Melina Kanakaredes ("CSI: NY"); Mare Winningham and Dean Cain ("Clubhouse"); Rob Lowe and Joe Pantoliano ("Dr. Vegas"); Jason Alexander ("Listen Up"); and John Goodman ("Center of the Universe"). CBS is keeping most of its schedule intact, with only five new shows, as well as promoting "The Amazing Race" to the fall schedule and making a handful of other strategic moves.

CBS, known for its musical numbers at the upfront presentations, scored big with a performance by reasonable facsimiles of The Beatles, performing a medley of "Fab Four" songs that boosted CBS and downed its broadcast network competitors with messages such as "Buy CBS" to the tune of "Can't Buy Me Love," Fox's weaknesses to the tune of "Help," and making light of Jeff Zucker's famous comment that early season shows "sucked" to "A Day in the Life."

That led with a filmed barroom gripe sesson starring--no joke--former California Gov. Gray Davis, baseball star/gambler Pete Rose, and derided Cubs fan Steve Bartman as Dr. Phil tended bar and listened to CBS Chief Executive Officer Leslie Moonves say how bad a year he was having. Moonves mentioned the controversy surrounding "The Real Beverly Hillbillies" and "The Reagans," along with the Super Bowl halftime show.

"Wardrobe malfunction, my ass," barked Viacom chief executive Mel Karmazin in a black-and-white flashback worthy of any sitcom.

The TV therapist tried to buck Moonves up, telling him that CBS had another great year in ratings and strong programming. He also told Moonves that he had somewhere else to be, and the next scene had Moonves in a cab driven by Tony Danza--and, somewhat predictably, savaged NBC reality TV star Donald Trump. It was only fair, considering Trump, Zucker, and NBC landed a couple of hits on the CBS chief during their upfront two days earlier. It wasn't the only fun poked at the real estate magnate during the two-hour presentation.

The star of Wednesday afternoon's program was really Moonves himself, who, if he didn't spend as much time on stage as his rival Zucker--who was master of ceremonies for most of the two-and-a-half-hour NBC event at Radio City Music Hall--gave the hard sell as to why CBS was the place to spend money. He compared CBS to a horse that is a sure thing and said that the other networks weren't, no matter what they said.

"What good is getting a good price on a horse you know is going to lose?" he asked.

And while reaching into CBS tradition to introduce the Beatles look-alikes at the beginning of the show (the network ran "The Ed Sullivan Show" when the group gave its first televised performance in the United States), it gave buyers and advertisers the real thing when it came to ending the show. The Who, the legendary British invasion rock 'n' roll band that stands with The Beatles and The Rolling Stones in that pantheon, performed three songs--including "Who Are You."