Commentary
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Porn Tube We Go
- by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, May 1, 2009
A Swiss insurance worker reportedly said she was ill and had to be away from her monitor to lie down in the dark. But then she was seen to be active on Facebook (via her iPhone apparently) by her boss who fired her saying her behavior had destroyed the company's trust in the employee.P? Geez, and all this time we thought if we could quickly load an excel spreadsheet over the porn or shopping sites, we were safe from the prying, spying eyes of our superiors. Now, at least those of us in Geneva and Bern, have to worry that some piss ant will give us up for posting a "happy birthday" on someone's wall. Isn't it bad enough we have to worry about the recession and now THIS?
Yes, computers have made us exponentially more productive than we were pre-Commodore 64, but since we aren't getting paid for being more productive, we figure we get to use our office PCs for our own amusement from time to time. Fair is fair right? Over the Line, as a public service to its many time-wasting readers (well, you are reading this now aren't you), presents a list of other ways to waste time on your office computer other than in social media. Don't send us your resume if you get canned.
World of Warcraft or any of the other popular, potentially addicting online community-based games. Days turn into nights, that turn into weeks before players look up and realize those reports were due three weeks ago, not in three hours. Saddest notion: doing well (i.e.: winning) these games does not slim you down, enhance your male bits or move you into the right crowd. Beware of running into your own kids at some point.
YouTube. Did you miss Colbert's take on swine flu last night? Here ya go. Want to see the effects of alcohol on the judgment of those over-served? Filled with examples. Enjoy seeing cats do a 42-inch vertical leap from having the pee scared out of them while asleep? Bookmark this site. A video library of our life and times, at least the pathetic parts.
Google Earth. Why does looking at the top of your house or your grandmother's in Des Moines never get tiring? I am sure there are topless sunbathers on lots of those apartment roof tops, but you have to spring for the NSA version to get enough resolution. I think you should write an angry letter to Googleville if your neighborhood is captured in a winter photo since your yard really is at its best in the spring. Based on their current customer service model, you should hear back by the time you've been dead only a decade or two.
PowerPoint. I know all those like icons, boxes and pull down menus are supposed to be intuitive and it should not take you 26 hours to prepare a single panel, but the fact is every time you move one thing it screws up something else (kinda like working in multiple text columns in Word). The really hard news: after you have broken your butt to get it right, the media buyers will still check their Blackberries during 90% of your presentation. The ones not asleep, that is.
Flickr.com. You can waste a good amount of time flipping through your own old pictures and those of your friends on this photo-sharing site, but it's Flickr's public photos that can really eat up the afternoon. Start by searching for oddball keywords like your boss's name, or just bookmark the most recent updates page to get an all new set of thumbnails with each refresh. Writing highly amusing captions for random photos is also a popular time waster. Who knew that St. Mark's Square couple could be rendered boring in so many different ways?
Price Comparison Sites. Why pay retail? Even if retail is already 70% off? Rationalize it this way: if I snuck out to run down to Toys R Us, it would take MORE time than doing a little cyber shopping at my desk. Besides, I can just ask her mother to take it out of the shipping box and wrap it in birthday paper. Not too much to ask is it?
Finally, this will not only make you feel like old and partially disabled, it will force you to click on each dance to see JUST how out of touch you are with your kids (especially if you don't see the step you last displayed on a disco floor).
Maybe one day some HBS types will study why people go on the Net at work. And maybe they'll discover that office work is not as engaging as sleeping kittens, shopping, friends' photos and the like. And maybe someone will come up with a better way to engage workers. NAH!