• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, July 11, 2004

BMW has partnered with Krispy Kreme in the July issue of Maxim to offer a dozen free doughnuts with the purchase of a dozen. While promoting its Mini BMW, the ads include a coupon redeemable at participating Krispy Kreme stores. Each donut contains 220 calories and 12 grams of fat and 22 grams of carbohydrates. Thanks to BMW and Maxim you can leave the store with 288 grams of fat instead of 144. The discount coupon for the rice diet program at Duke must be in the September issue.

I can't tell...is that Hideki Matsui hitting a homerun or Angelina Jolie taking a shower?

The marketing side of the text-messaging business is just now getting started for the world's 1.3 billion cell phones, reports BusinessWeek Online. For now, U.S. marketers are wooing customers with simple text-based offerings, such as daily jokes, diet tips, and astrology readings. But the spread of color screens, stereo speakers, and video applications in phones opens the door to splashier offerings. In more advanced mobile markets, like South Korea's, advertisers win customers by offering video clips, including movie previews or sports highlights. Here's a preview for you: the fasted Do Not Text legislation in Congressional history.

If the Church Won't Budge, Buy the State

The National Rifle Association plans to broadcast a daily radio talk show that will provide news and pro-gun political commentary. The proposed NRANews will be a three-hour, commercial free program that will air on Sirius satellite radio as well as on terrestrial stations that the NRA reports it's looking to purchase throughout the Midwest, South and Rocky Mountain regions of the U.S. Suggested First Guests: Columbine Survivors.

Yeah, but what's Kerry's position on Tak & the Power of Juju?

Nielsen//NetRatings reported that more than 46 million--or nearly one in three online Americans--visited an online game site during May and that people spent more time with online games than on sports and news sites. Aside from a sad commentary on the Best Seller list, the programming department at FOX will see this as a divinely inspired mandate.

Time to rethink the 35 year-old "Virginia is for lovers" campaign?

To combat what appears to be rampant sex between men and young old girls - 219 births among 13 and 14 years old girls from men over 18 in 1999 and 2000, the Virginia Department of Health is said to have launched a statewide billboard campaign telling men to keep it in their pants. With headlines, "Isn't She A Little Young?" and "Sex With A Minor, Don't Go There" the campaign also appears on posters, coasters and napkins in bars - the likely hangout for men who seem to be incapable of getting it on with women their own age. Next Up: "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain" transit ads.

Well, at least now the guys will wash their hands afterwards.

The latest British version of the "Big Brother" reality TV show has dropped the taste barrier to kickstart its slumping ratings. According to Reuters, to combat viewer lethargy, the camera-filled house will test British reserve with the introduction of a toilet that has a see-through glass door. This of course assumes there was a "taste barrier" in the first place.

How about a "Bash The Creative Director" Booth at Advertising Week?

According to a May 2004 Yankelovich study, more consumers have "wholly negative" feelings (36 percent) about advertising than "wholly positive" (28 percent). A majority (60 percent) have a more negative opinion than they did several years ago; and 69 percent want mechanisms that block advertising completely. Though Yankelovich admits direct comparisons aren't totally valid, a comparison it made with a 40-year-old American Association of Advertising Agencies (AAAA) study shows an incredibly precipitous decline in opinion overall. And that, my brothers and sisters is the worst reality of all.