Commentary

The George Chronicles

Last week, The New York Times ran a brief on something called the uCorder, a camcorder the size of a "stick of gum" that is supposed to be worn around your neck so that you can, suggests Eric Taub, "...document every mundane aspect of your life..."

Perhaps Mr. Taub's days are filled with the mundane, but as a third-party observer of life (beats being involved in all that messy emotional stuff) I think my life is simply fascinating. If, for example, I had worn a uCorder Friday, here is some of what you might have seen on YouTube today.

Walk to mailbox where papers are delivered, only to discover NYT and WSJ missing and only local paper in delivery box. Grumble all the way back to kitchen, where spouse has apparently earlier retrieved NYT and WSJ. Momentarily mull argument ignited by "Why didn't you bring in the local paper, too?" But long marital experience overrides impulse and I simply thank wife for bringing in papers. Explain to 14-year-old for 1,067th time how to brush hair. Ignored for 1,067th time.

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Grab breakfast Diet Coke and retreat to office to read papers. See that both sides of health care bill are now throwing rocks and threatening to kill one another. Make mental note to ask much smarter neighbor what all the fuss is about.

Log into PC, hoping relatively new HP desktop actually starts. Not always a given. Get lucky -- everything loads but audio, so only have to restart once. Read Adexchanger, Cynopsis Digital, Paid Content, Online Media Daily News and I Want Media. Foolishly, none has written about any of my clients. Make "To Annoy Today" list. Check email from Gaffney, since he always encloses racy jpeg. Read best-minds-in-online-business discussion group e mails only to find they are still talking about the most economical way to buy or build a whiteboard. Check to see what Naples says, my barometer of how seriously I should take whiteboards. I have no opinion on whiteboards so stay out.

Plod down to kitchen to offer dog chance to go outside. Dog sniffs at door, thinks dog thoughts about temperature and prospect of deer to bark at. Declines and returns to bed for 5th consecutive hour. Return with midmorning oatmeal cookies and Diet Coke. Miraculously, HP has not yet done its daily konk out.

Write stuff for clients. Toggle between XM/Sirius channels muting only for series of client conference calls during which resist temptation to answer emails or check naked movie star sites. Need to find something to send back to Gaffney.

Walk outside, decide it is too cold to run and pack for the gym. Joke with owner about getting better-looking, younger women as members. Claims he is trying. Do some bike intervals to CD that college son made for birthday. Volume set just below decibel level of jet aircraft landing 30 feet away. Crude lyrics have mothers covering ears of children as they pass door to spinning studio. Fall asleep in locker room cooling off and fantasizing about Erin Burnett. Can now say was at gym for hour and a half.

Log back in. Commence annoying reporters about my clients with ideas of dubious merit. Conduct simultaneous dialogue with 15 different people about status of 20 different stories regarding 10 different clients. Win some, lose some. Decide ADHD is a good thing. Check email for anything from Gaffney.

Drive to school to pick up ungrateful children. Stunned by deadly aggressive driving by other pickup moms who by their maneuvers signal that they think their time is infinitely more valuable than mine. Spend time in line answering emails and fearing for my life. Note to use only massive SUV at future school pickups.

Fall asleep watching Brian Williams. Reoccurring event, so routinely record news and watch again during halftime of basketball games. Have family dinner where blood sport is making fun of mom's cooking. Harass children about table manners, grades, study habits, clothes, music and failure to know capital of Iowa or what countries border France. Patiently explain to half-listening daughter difference between NIT and NCAA's but she really only wants to know if I have Jingle Ball tickets yet. Sigh.

Discuss events with wife, ask her if she'd like to see a video of my day. Claims she'd rather be poked in eye with sharp stick. Quietly remove UCorder and fall asleep reading actual dead tree book.

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