Oh, joy: Sweatband.com, an e-commerce site for fitness enthusiasts in the U.K., has compiled a list of the ten most annoying social media behaviors, based on a survey of 1,793 British social media users. They are, broadly speaking, exactly what you’d expect -- but it’s still validating to know that, yes, other people find all the bragging and complaining just as annoying as you do.
Incidentally, before we get into the annoying behaviors, it’s worth noting that 52% of the Sweatband.com survey respondents said they are using social media less than they used to because of annoying updates from friends and acquaintances, and 38% said they have quit a social media site altogether (pro tip: you can link to this article to passively-aggressively drop hints to your social media acquaintances about what behaviors they really need to stop).
Now, the list of the top 10 most annoying social media behaviors, from most annoying to least-most annoying. I have also provided examples, as well as suggested rebuttals which may help staunch the flow of irrelevant B.S.
1. Boasting about how much exercise they’re doing or how well their diet is going. Example: “Just ran 10K, time for my herbal cleanse and yoga. Size 0 here I come!” Rebuttal: “Your ass still looks fat to all of us (we talked it about during a Hangout).”
2. Sharing pictures of every meal. Example: “Just had this gr8 artisan pizza at this little hole in the wall on the LES.” Rebuttal: “It’s sad enough your food is more interesting than you. What’s sadder is: you realize it.”
3. Cryptic status updates. Example: “Two days waiting, and not even a harmonica! Guess I’m never going there again!” Rebuttal: “Is this Dada poetry, or are you having a transient ischemic attack?”
4. Repeat game inviters. Example: “Come join the hoedown on FarmVille!” Rebuttal: “I hope a swarm of virtual locusts destroys everything you’ve worked for.”
5. Proud parents. Example: “Jimmy’s teacher says he’s the most popular kid in pre-K!” Rebuttal: “Because kids are such great judges of character. He’s probably going to be a serial killer.”
6. Over-sharing of personal information. Example: “... so when the doctor finally lanced the abscess, it turned out it wasn’t bacterial at all!” Rebuttal: “It’s sad enough your abscess is more interesting than you, etc.”
7. Checker-inners. Example: “I’m the mayor of ____!” Rebuttal: “It’s a ceremonial title and you have no real power over ____.”
8. Event spammers. Example: “Come to a charity walkathon to benefit New York City’s urban coyotes, Saturday from noon-6 pm!” Rebuttal: “Somehow your invitation managed to get worse as it went along.”
9. People who like and comment on everything. Example: “John has Liked the following status update: ‘I lost my job and got kicked out of my apartment’.” Rebuttal: “You are either illiterate or a psychopath.”
10. Self-promoters. Example: “Good point about the changing role of libraries -- and it reminds me of some learnings we gleaned from the insight engine on our new social platform, which launched in beta last week...” Rebuttal: “Shut up, shut up, shut up.”