• by Bob Garfield , Featured Columnist, June 10, 2013

It is time to think about celibacy. It’s been off my mind.

It is also time to think about migraines. In May, I personally thought not one whit about celibacy or migraines. Or aphasia. Or potty training. In fact, they were off my radar for a whole year. Likewise, I have failed to keep accordions top of mind. This is nuts. A year without a moment’s thought about accordions! What the hell is the matter with me?

Lack of awareness, that’s what.

Well, the time has come to pay the piper. It is Celibacy, Migraine, Aphasia, Accordion and Potty Training Awareness Month. (Separately, not together.) I myself have seldom thought so much about accordions and aphasia, at least not that I’m aware. It is also both Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome Awareness Month and Cataract Awareness Month. It’s like that dumb Robin Thicke song “Blurred Lines.” Can’t get it or cataracts out of my head. 

It is also LGBT Awareness Month. If you are a celibate transgender accordionist with cataracts, this, my friend, is your time.

Now, you might ask, with all this awareness to be aware of, where to find the mind space for everything? Isn't it like remembering jokes…you start being aware of potty training and Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome just gets forgotten? Well, let's hope not -- because this isn't just a matter of awareness, is it? Let's kick it up a notch. Bam! Celebration!

Party planning? Hey, hey…it's Adopt A Shelter Cat Month! And African-American Music Appreciation Month, Aquarium Month, Cancer From The Sun Month, Dairy Month, Entrepreneurs "Do It Yourself" Marketing Month, Fight the Filthy Fly Month, International Surf Music Month, Pharmacists Declare War on Alcoholism Month, Turkey Lovers Month, World Infertility Month, and of course, Lane Courtesy Month.

If you are the sort who changes lanes, you have three more weeks to be courteous doing so. In a perfect world, you will have a newly adopted shelter cat in the backseat. Turkey lovers -- this would be a perfect opportunity to love some turkey.

What a beautiful way to begin summer. To paraphrase the poet: In the month of June, the month of leaves and roses, it's also Fireworks Safety Month, so be careful with explosives.  

But look, you're a busy professional. It is very likely that you don't have an entire month to devote to the likes of International Surf Music. Let's just say your enthusiasms have to be crammed into a single week: this week. No problem. This is Worldwide Knit and Crochet in Public Week.

Alert a friend.

It’s also Great American Brass Band Week, National Flag Week and National Automotive Service Professionals Week. (Seriously, would it be so hard to take your mechanic to lunch?) And in the unlikely event you can spare but a single 24-hour period in all of 2013 for awareness, recognition, celebration and/or somber reflection, today is Ball Point Pen Day. Tuesday is Corn on the Cob Day. Wednesday is National Peanut Butter Cookie Day. Thursday is Career Nurse Assistants Day. Friday is National Bourbon Day. Saturday is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day.

Catch the spirit. Abuse a senior. You’ll be glad that you did.