• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, September 29, 2004

When cable giant Comcast televised a Bay Area college football game just to local fans, for some reason its cameras couldn't pick up the green color of the stadium turf, giving viewers the impression that the game was being played on a brown dirt lot.

While this undoubtedly upset the home team which dropped $300,000 last year upgrading its field, the attendant land grab for local ad dollars probably didn't sit well with SanFran TV stations which are offered through the cable system.

Nevertheless, Comcast is forging ahead with plans to develop other locally based programming that satellite TV can't or won't do. Dubbed local origination, Comcast has been producing everything from high school sports to cooking shows on a mostly ad hoc basis for the past three years as part of a larger company strategy to control more of the content that flows through its cable lines, it has been reported.

At some point, Comcast's production resources will be stretched thin enough that small companies and individuals will step in to pick up the programming slack. Suddenly people who might have used up their 15 minutes of fame with blogs that nobody read, will arm themselves with video cameras and appear on Comcast channel 805.

New Yorkers remember the early days of cable when marginally attractive women sat on beds and took phone calls from sub-continent sounding men urging them to show more skin. It was the electronic equivalent of passing a car wreck. You can thank the Internet for producing enough quality porn to get the guy in the Mylar suit off the air.

Let's see what's ahead on channel 805:

4 p.m. - The Postal Service Show: Follow your neighborhood postal service employee as he makes his rounds, urging small businesses to use more direct mail to ramp up their marketing followed by test fires on his AK47 at the gun club.

5 p.m. - Oil Change: Sponsored by Ralph's Towing and Repair, watch semi-literate high school drop outs convince advanced degree graduates of Ivy League universities to buy services they don't need and always for the special price today of $49.95.

6 p.m. - Local News with Ashleigh: Join former cable network darling Ashleigh Banfield as she tries to reconstitute her career by over earnestly asking local elementary school nutritionists if any peanut oil was used in the preparation of today's menu. Weather and Sports reported by Dan Rather.

7 p.m. - Garage Band: "Oh my God, Nick looks soooo hot in those low riders. Quick, what's Amanda's screen name? Wait a sec, my mom is screaming to turn the TV down. Bee-otch. Call me on my cell..."

8 p.m. - Gilbert & Sullivan's "Pirates of Pinzance" presented by the residents of the Levin Elder Care and Holistic Healing Community Center. To be followed by a panel discussion on "The Future of Media Convergence."

9 p.m. - High School Sports with Lou: Join has-been/never-was local high school fullback Lou Grantaniato as he interviews the steroid stars of tomorrow. This week, All-State tackle Ronnie Lee "Dixie" Beauguard explains how to get 900 on your SATs and still get a full ride to Florida State.

10 p.m. - The Brian Roberts Show: Local Comcast sales executives walk the audience through a PowerPoint explaining why local cable is a "must buy" even if you are a professional dog walker.

11 p.m. - College Football: Rebroadcast of college games shown earlier, but with filters to give the field a different color.