• by Richard Whitman , Columnist, December 7, 2015

Accompanying a New York Times article entitled “X Marks the Spot That Makes Online Ads So Maddening” is another article entitled “How Bad Are These Ads,” which outlines five types of super-annoying online ads. Most of you reading this right now had something to do with their appearance online.

First is the Fickle Floater or the pop-up. You've seen this nasty creature interfere with your content consumption on a daily basis. It's one of the oldest forms on online annoyance, and has morphed into even more annoying forms which aren't separate windows but almost integral components of the content over which it lies. And trying to find the little X to close the nasty bugger can cause you to scream. 

Second is the Belligerent Blockade or full-page takeover. This pompous creature thinks it's perfectly fine to suddenly appear out of nowhere and slide itself over your entire screen blocking everything you were trying to read. Like, who in their actual mind thought this was a good idea?

Third we have the Brash Bulldozer or expanding banner. This bugger comes in two flavors. The less-intrusive -- if there is such a thing -- comes in the form of a banner that simply expands down from the top of the page and pushes the content down. The second type appears out of nowhere in the middle of a paragraph, ripping that paragraph apart and displaying ad content or a video.

Fourth is the Vexing Video or auto-playing ad. You know the one. You’re innocently viewing some webpage -- and, of course, you have a million tabs open -- and suddenly, your computer speakers begin to scream at you like a used car salesman barking his latest deal. You begin crazily scrolling up and down the page and then clicking multiple tabs in an effort to find the thing. Thankfully, most browsers now have an indicator that tells you which tab contains the annoying culprit.

And fifth is the Adamant Anchor or adhering banner. This can appear anywhere but is commonly seen on mobile screens and stays right there even if you scroll up or down. And even if there is an X to click to close the thing, good luck clicking it without actually clicking the banner itself.

I mean if this weren't the ad business, it'd be a pretty good comedy, right?