• by Tanya Gazdik , February 15, 2016

Just in time to shoot down post-Valentine’s Day bliss, a survey reveals that many couples face a hidden challenge that could place their relationships in peril.

According to a new survey conducted by Harris Poll on behalf of the National Endowment for Financial Education, two in five Americans who have combined their finances in a current/past relationship admit to committing financial infidelity against their partner.

The problem is growing. Among U.S. adults, 42% admit to financial infidelity compared to 33% just two years ago. The survey also finds that when financial deceptions occur, 75% say there is an effect on the relationship.

When you agree to combine finances in a relationship, you’re also agreeing to a certain degree of cooperation and transparency in your money management, says Ted Beck, president and CEO of NEFE.

“It’s easier to achieve joint financial goals when your money is pooled and working together,” he says. “Yet we’re seeing the implicit promise of collaboration destroyed by financial game-playing.”

Financial infidelity hurts regardless of its scale, he adds.

“Hiding or lying about small amounts of money can damage a relationship just as effectively as a high-dollar deceit,” Beck says “In fact, in all cases of this deception, people affected say it impacted their relationship in some way — almost always negatively. It causes arguments, erosion of trust, separation or even divorce.”

Among those surveyed, 39% hid a purchase, bank account, statement, bill or cash from their partner or spouse. In addition, 16% say they have committed more severe deceptions, like lying about the amount of debt that they owe or even the amount of income that they earn.

Among those who have committed financial deceptions, 32% say they believe some aspects of their finances should remain private, even from their spouse/partner; 30% say they had discussed finances with their spouse/partner and they knew they would disapprove; and 25% were embarrassed and/or fearful about their finances and didn’t want their spouse/partner to find out.

Red flags that financial infidelity may be an issue in a relationship may be as simple as coming across a receipt or a piece of paper indicating a purchase that you don’t recognize, or not seeing copies of every bill each month. “Another significant indicator may be that you partner or spouse is defensive or withdrawn when the topic of money is brought up,” adds Beck.

The survey was conducted online within the United States by Harris Poll on behalf of NEFE Jan. 19-21, 2016, among 2,057 adults ages 18 and older. This online survey is not based on a probability sample and therefore no estimate of theoretical sampling error can be calculated.