Commentary

Smooverly: Investor Deck

News Item: Smooverly of Menlo Park, Ca., closes $57 million Series B round. TwistOff Cap, San Francisco, and Venturism, Palo Alto led the round, earmarked for platform development, energy drinks.  

[Slide 1]

Welcome to Smooverly.  The first publishing platform to combine real-time video, an engaged millennial audience, key influencers with unprecedented social reach and personal biometrics.

[Slide 2}

The Power of Smoove! Millennials do not email, text or speak on the phone. But they do continue to communicate, mainly through initials, and demonstrate rudimentary learning. How to capture them “where they live” and “squeeze some value out of them somehow?”

[Slide 3]

This is some sort of chart.

[Slide 4]

This is some sort of graph.

[Slide 5]

Another chart. Note clip art.

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[Slide 6]

The Next Level.  Photo of millennials. One white guy with knit cap. One white guy with extravagant beard. One African-American male (nerdy). One white female (hot). One Asian -- gender fluid -- with ironic t-shirt, earbuds. All are smiling as they brandish iPhones and busily smoo on Smooverly.  

Text: Research shows millennials will refuse food and drink in order to update their social attachments with their geolocation, restaurant entrées, p.o.v. straight ahead, favorite stuff they do not own, other friends’ infinite flaws, celebrity gossip and the funniest videos ever ISYN. But now it’s time to take it to the next level.

[Slide 7]

Bodily Functions: The Final Frontier.  

Image: pixilated dick pic.

Text: No information is too much information.

[Slide 8]

What’s in a Smoo?

  • A dick pic is a Smoo!

  • Poo is a Smoo.

  • Blood pressure is a Smoo.

  • Menstrual status is a Smoo.

  • Blood-alcohol level is a Smoo. (“Dude, I just killed three 40s.” “Yeah? Prove it! Smoove it!”)

      [Slide 9]

Leveraging the Data Stack to Reach Out to Influencers for Hockey Stick KPIs Going Forward

Text: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean commodo ligula eget dolor. Aenean massa. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec quam felis, ultricies nec, pellentesque eu, pretium quis, sem. 

[Slide 10]

Monetization Strategy

TBD


   

16 comments about "Smooverly: Investor Deck".
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  1. George Parker from Parker Consultants, April 25, 2016 at 8:43 a.m.

    This is "Awesome." I want to get in early... Where do I send my money.

  2. Paula Lynn from Who Else Unlimited, April 25, 2016 at 9:38 a.m.

    Devolution. Another nail in the coffin.

  3. Steve Schildwachter from BrightStar Care, April 25, 2016 at 9:56 a.m.

    During my time in Startup Land, it seemed that really smart investors would suddenly part with their money upon hearing words like "Big Data", so could you mention "Big Data Dump" somewhere in here?

  4. Ed Papazian from Media Dynamics, April 25, 2016 at 10:19 a.m.

    Very funny, Bob, and, tragically, so accurate.

  5. Ed Papazian from Media Dynamics, April 25, 2016 at 10:29 a.m.

    Right, Steve, but let's not forget that really sexy one---"algorithm".

  6. Cory Treffiletti from Cisco, April 25, 2016 at 11:39 a.m.

    Bob.  Of all your articles in recent months this might simply be the best.  Drop the mic. 

  7. dorothy higgins from Mediabrands WW, April 25, 2016 at 11:39 a.m.

    You have redeemed Monday.  Bravo. 

  8. Laurie Tema-lyn from Practical Imagination Enterprises, April 25, 2016 at 11:46 a.m.

    A great big YUK! and so Right On! brings tears (and laughter) to my eyes.

  9. William Hodges from Tiny Circle LLC, April 25, 2016 at 4:49 p.m.

    Perfect.. thanks for this. Love it. 

    PS. Someone please block the comment spammer Brad Berger please? 

  10. Steve Schildwachter from BrightStar Care replied, April 25, 2016 at 6:02 p.m.

    Oh, not just yet...I'm entertaining myself by turning it into a series of power point slides....

  11. Chuck Lantz from 2007ac.com, 2017ac.com network, April 25, 2016 at 6:41 p.m.

    Great article. It made the 30 minutes it takes me every morning to tie the laces on my DMs in skin-tight jeans just fly by.  

  12. John Grono from GAP Research, April 25, 2016 at 6:47 p.m.

    I'm working on the next gamechanger ... the Big Algorithm.   Anyone in?

  13. Ed Papazian from Media Dynamics Inc replied, April 25, 2016 at 7:38 p.m.

    To count as truly "big", John, you must have at least one million distinct variables in your model. A mere 40,000 just wont cut it.

  14. Bill Ganon from Connect2Sell , April 26, 2016 at 8:30 a.m.

    Bob, you need an "Unfair Advantage". You are absolutely required, no exceptions, to have an "Unfair Advantage"! Wait - I have it, a copywrighted song: "Guys smoo it, Gals smoo it, even Transgens out in Queens smoo it..."

  15. Robert McEvily from MediaPost, April 26, 2016 at 4:03 p.m.

    #PooIsASmoo is trending.

  16. John Grono from GAP Research replied, April 26, 2016 at 6:22 p.m.

    Good point Ed.

    I've slaved all night, and added around half a million variables and 200,000 lines of code.

    At this rate it will be ready tomorrow.

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