OK, Really My Last Super Bowl Column (I Promise)

With the smallest amount of effort, you can see virtually every Super Bowl ad online today. I hope you have low expectations, because they will surely be met.

There is the usual smattering of TV actors, movie stars and rock bands (many of whose best career days are well behind them) shilling for brands they probably had never heard of before their agents called. 

(Although one car company has already announced it will donate the money it might have spent for a celebrity.)

There are animals (mostly dogs again), bucolic landscapes somehow related to how beer is supposed to taste, the worst use of The Dude in advertising history -- and a car that has such cool interactive features it will make your every wish come true (even if you aren’t in it).

Serena Williams and Jeremy Renner narrate ads that are supposed to “empower” women, but forget to give any concrete advice that will make it happen. There is a very clever rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” 



The first female football player to receive a college scholarship for a non-kicking position -- who, trust me, you have never heard of -- is somehow related to a car, but it is impossible to understand how and why. 

In fact, you will have to think really hard to determine how the narrative of most of the Super Bowl car ads relates in any way to the vehicles. 

The fast and junk food ads are there, but are as lame as ever, as if stretched credulity and celebrities are the ONLY way to gets consumers to try and/or rebuy these brands. Oh, and they are supposed to be funny -- if you have an eight-year-old in the house, he/she will be mildly amused.

There is the usual wrapping of the brands in patriotism or progressivism, but nothing that stands out as overtly political (although there are still some spots that can’t be seen until the game). 

There, now you can leave the room during the spots, grab another beer, walk the dog at halftime and not worry that you will miss something special. 

The only thing special will be if, when Brady makes his usual last-minute campaign to win the game, he fumbles and the Rams take the win. 

Special everywhere -- except New Orleans.

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