• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, May 21, 2004

The percentage of retailers who send catalogs has plummeted from 77 percent in 2002 to 55 percent last year because they felt the Internet made this junk mail less essential. You are the U.S. Postal Service, whose catalog mailing revenue is evaporating. What do you do? COMMISSION A STUDY.

And guess what? The study proves that catalogs double the chances of businesses making an online sale. And that people who get catalogs in the mail spend more on Web purchases than people who don't get catalogs.

Ad pages in nearly every category, especially the locomotive "automotive category," are going south. You are the MPA, whose member-publications are taking a direct hit as automakers wake up to the effectiveness of the Internet in reaching in-market buyers. What do you do? COMMISSION A STUDY.

And guess what? The study proves that magazines play a role in positively impacting auto sales.

The cost of gas is skyrocketing. People are rethinking their vacation plans--perhaps to cut back on driving--and that probably means fewer car rentals. You are Thrifty Car Rental, staring down the barrel of lower summer revenue. What do you do? COMMISSION A STUDY.

And guess what? Eighty percent of those surveyed said they'll still go on vacation, and 59 percent said the rise in gas prices won't affect their plans.

Let's face it--finding a research company that will produce results that support your business aspirations is about as hard as finding a media company that discounts off its rate card. Nobody bothers with the fine print that reveals your sample was based on seven ex-fraternity brothers attending a boys-only weekend of fishing and lapdancing. Or that the plus/minor margin of error is in the 85 percent range. Slap that puppy on PR Newswire and wait for the phone to ring.

It used to cost a small fortune to field a study large enough to attract attention, but with the reach of the Internet, it's fast, efficient, and essentially painless. It may not produce scientific results, but it can produce headlines. You can field studies to solve almost any problem. For example:

Being squeezed on the CPM by the agency? COMMISSION A STUDY. Study results: "People Pay More Attention to Higher-Priced Advertising Than They Do Ads Bought for Low CPMs"

Audience numbers failing through the floor, especially 18- to-24-year-old men? COMMISSION A STUDY. Study results: "It's Not That Our Shows Suck, It's Because They Are Playing Video Games."

In a pissing match about whether consumers like "natural search" vs. paid listings? COMMISSION A STUDY. Study results: "Users Confused by Variety of Listings Returned by Search; Dust Off Old Encyclopedias for Answers."

You like the pounding surf, but your wife likes the serene mountain lakes? COMMISSION A STUDY. Study results: "Altitude Has Adverse Effect on Erectile Function."

Junior parked in front of SOCOM or has transferred his identity to a SIMs character? COMMISSION A STUDY. Study results: "Air Force Says Video Gamers Can't Fly If They Can't Read."

Agency only offering a 2.3 percent raise this year, again? COMMISSION A STUDY. Study results: "Postal Service Ranks Second to Ad Agencies in Employee Violence."

Tired of self-serving studies that seem only to promote their sponsor's agenda? COMMISSION A STUDY. Study results: "Consumers Rank Sponsored Surveys Below Gossipy Neighbor for Data Accuracy."