So when I received a "special low price" promotion in the mail from a telco operator that offered "high speed internet and phone for just $40 a month for the first three months as well as superfast internet and crystal-clear calling at a great price and with Free Wi-Fi," who could refuse. All the brochure said I had to do is "switch now."I called immediately.
"Hello, I am currently a C., cable subscriber and am interested to find out more about your special offer of .... May I please speak with Geoff Walls."
"I'm sorry sir, but there is no one here by that name," A female replied.
"He sent me this "special low price" mailer. He's your Executive Director, Consumer Marketing. It's his signature on the promotional piece. He would know what I am referring to."
"I must apologize, sir, but I am not familiar with his name. Maybe I can help you."
"OK, but if you do locate him please let him know I called."
"I still can get the same offer."
"Certainly, sir. What is the special promotion you were referring to."
"As I said I am currently a C., cable subscriber and am interested to find out more about your special offer of "high speed internet and phone for just $40 a month for the first three months as well as superfast internet and crystal-clear calling at a great price and with Free Wi-Fi." I mean who could refuse."
"You are absolutely right, sir. May I first have your name and telephone number. Thank you, Mr. Oscar."
"I have a question."
"Can you tell me if your internet speed will be comparable to my cable operator's speed."
"We offer up to 7 Mbps."
"I appreciate that but how does that compare to my cable operator's broadband speed."
"What is your cable operator's speed."
"I don't know -- that is why I am asking you."
"Sir, why don't I get technical support on the line. They would know."
A couple of rings.
"Technical support. My name is Geoff. How can I help," a male replied.
"Are you Geoff Walls from Consumer Marketing."
"No sir, I'm Geoff from technical support."
"Geoff, Mr. Oscar is currently a C., cable subscriber and is interested in our special promotion. He asked me if our broadband speed is faster than his cable operators."
"Mr. Oscar, our broadband speed is 7 Mbps."
"Geoff, may I call you Geoff, is that the speed of my cable broadband connectivity."
"I wouldn't know sir."
An aside: one would think awareness of a rival's offering - a simple phone call - would be a prerequisite for achieving one's goals, particularly when invading another's territory.
"Geoff, thank you for your help," the female replied. I'll take it from here."
"Mr. Oscar, I am looking at our grid and it shows that in your area we can guarantee upwards of 3 Mbps."
"But Geoff said it was 7 Mbps."
"Yes that is correct, but not in your community. We can offer you up to 3 Mbps."
"When you say up to 3 Mbps does that mean I get 3 Mbps."
"Maybe, but not necessarily."
"Well, how much if not 3 Mbps."
"Could be as little as 1 Mbps."
"How would I know."
"Mr. Oscar, you won't. Your service might just be slower sometimes."
"I'm honestly not in a position to answer that, Mr. Oscar."
"My broadband speed."
"What it was before."
"Before I called you or before I switched and discovered lethargy.
"Mr. Oscar that is no reason to accuse us of being lecherous."
"Could you please ask Geoff Walls of Consumer Marketing to give me a call. Thank you."
An aside: with all of the competitive offerings flooding the airwaves and printways from cablers, satcasters, telcos, wireless operators, digital terrestrialists, and ISP's shouldn't there be some regulatory mechanism in place to provide appropriate review and translation for the protection of the consumer given the requirements generally associated with discounted propositions whose terms span multiple months and years.