• by October 30, 2003

WHO'S MIKE? I WANT TO BE LIKE LeBRON -- Nike, Sprint, Upper Deck and countless other marketers are breathing easier this morning following the NBA debut of Cleveland Cavaliers wunderkind LeBron James. James, the 18-year-old former high school student come NBA hope, didn't exactly rally the Cavs to a win over the Sacramento Kings (the Kings won 106-92), but James did like the NBA star he was promised to be, suggesting that he also will live up to the product endorsement stardom his sponsors have been banking on. On the court James turned in 25 points, nine assists, six rebounds and three steals, shooting 12 for 20 from the field. And if Marketing Evaluations Inc. were tracking the game, we'd suspect his Q score was pretty high, too.

MARTHA STEWART GATHERS NO MOSS -- It will be up to a federal court to decide whether Martha Stewart is guilty of insider trading and obstruction of justice charges, but in the view of the Riff, Ms. Stewart is already guilty of a mail order crime. It's not the $29 (a piece) Christmas ornaments, or the $359 spice racks for sale in Ms. Stewart's "Catalog For Living." Clearly, people who make enough of a living should feel free to squander it on such things. It's the "Bag of Moss" featured in the catalog's 2003 Holiday Edition. Never mind that moss is available for free in nature (in Northern climes, anyway), the Martha Stewart catalog is selling bags of fake ones for $24. But these 3- to 5-inch squares aren't just any fake moss. According to the catalog, they are "amazingly realistic." And if that doesn't beat all, they're also guaranteed not to "brown with age." But then we imagine Ms. Stewart may need to muster every last resource she can to capitalize her legal defense fund, especially when her print, media and other merchandising businesses appear to be hurting. In fact, the Riff notices one other unusual thing about Ms. Stewart's new holiday catalog. It's the first one we can recall offering sale prices. Well, they're not called "sales," they're called "specials." Whatever they're called, the Riff knows a bargain when it sees one.

WHO'S GRILLING WHO? -- Well, it's not exactly the rumble in the jungle, but former heavyweight champ and current grillmeister George Forman has been matched with C. Lee Peeler, deputy director of the FTC, Bureau of Consumer Protection, for the 25th Annual Promotion Marketing Law Conference Dec. 8-9 in Chicago. Now that may seem like an unusual pairing, but we suspect Foreman has had to do more sparring with attorneys in recent years than with pugilists. As for Peeler, we doubt he'll manage to go more than three rounds against Foreman, if he doesn't take a dive first.