• by December 17, 2003

ANCHORS AWAY - Now that NBC News has tapped anchorman John Seigenthaler to succeed Brian Williams to the helm of CNBC's nightly broadcast, "The News," the Riff is wondering who will be the next network anchor to move on. Williams, of course, will be taking over Tom Brokaw's slot on NBC's "Nightly News" when Brokaw retires in November 2004. With rumors still circling around 72-year- old CBS News anchor Dan Rathers, not to mention ABC News' 65-year-old Peter Jennings, the Riff was struck by a new piece of research to come out of Magna Global USA showing that the median age of network news viewers is well within the AARP set. In fact, CBS' news audience currently is the oldest, with a median age of 61.2, followed by NBC (60.7) and ABC (59.6). The report suggests, CBS is most in need of regeneration, though all of the network news audiences appear to be getting long in the tooth. In fact, it may be their reliance on older viewers that also is contributing to network news ratings declines. While overall early evening TV usage levels are relatively stable this season, they have been dropping among the adults 50-plus set. As a result, network news ratings have also fallen, chiefly among 50-plus viewers.

LOOK WHAT'S COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET -- Did you watch Bravo's "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" last night? It was a holiday special, where the guys unexpectedly dropped in on past makeovers to see if they've kept up their new looks. The way the Fab Five name-dropped sponsors that have a hard time fitting into the show, was also unexpected. Carson suggested that if someone spills red wine on you, take two parts Hydrogen peroxide and one part DAWN Liquid soap, mix it together and this will take out the stain. Thom said that when thinking of creative ways to wrap gifts, one could take pictures from magazines to spice things up, or take some twine that "the local UPS man gave me," and add that to a gift. Granted, it can't be easy to drop UPS into a Queer Eye episode, even if the Riff finds those brown deliveryman uniforms adorable. The show is great, and we'll still watch it, but it was better when the product placement was kept, well, in the closet.