• by Mitch Oscar , Op-Ed Contributor, June 9, 2009

Wikipedia links the fabled expression fee-fi-fo-fum to the English fairy tale "Jack and the Beanstalk" and the closely referenced tale of "Jack the Giant Killer."

The story tells of a young man who was sent to the market one day by his parents - Bright House, Cablevision, Charter, Comcast, Cox and Time Warner - to sell their last unexploited possession: the ability to enhance the value of national commercial inventory. As the young man proceeded to the market, he met a "stranger" who offered to trade five magic applicative concepts - addressability, interactivity (polling, RFI, telescoping), video on demand, data and t-commerce - for a percentage of the value of the commercial inventory. The young man accepted the deal and excitedly rushed home to share the news with his parents. Needless to say, the young man's parents were not happy that he did not obey their instructions - to sell the national commercial enhancement for a fee that was pre-determined but instead had returned from the market with a promise of revenue share - and threw the five magic applicative concepts out the window.

As the young man slept, the five magic applicative concepts germinated in the media community, or so he dreamt. As an aside, it should be noted that Benjamin Tabart's moralized version of the tale in 1807, which was the first time it appeared in print, and Joseph Jacobs popularized version in English Fairy Tales circa 1890, differ in the expression of the tale's realities. When the young man awoke, or not - depending on the source - he visioned a huge bridge between himself and the media community. Advertisers, agencies, technologists and researchers of all calculable languages, definitions and concepts were enthralled by the possibilities of scale, privacy protected data and engagement, and proffered enthusiastic, non-committal support. Press coverage abounded.

Fresh from a self-satisfying slumber, the young man decided to tread upon the bridge. After much exertion he arrived at a place "in the clouds" that happened to be the residence of a giant. As he surreptitiously crept into the giant's abode, the "big guy" abruptly awoke from a very sound nap and quickly sensed the young man's presence. Hence:

Fee-fi-fo-fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman
Be he 'live, or be he dead,
I'll grind his bones to make me bread

The "big guy" was right. Although he couldn't see, the young man he had a sense that someone had invaded his domain. Something didn't smell right. Self assuredly, he bellowed that fortune would smile upon him and more fiber be added to his diet.

On June 2nd, MediaPost reporter David Goetzl published an article in MediaDailyNews entitled "Cablevision's AMC Experiment with Addressable Advertising," stating that "Cablevision's AMC is the first publicly identified network to have engaged in a trial with Canoe Ventures..." A question: after all of the public-relationed time spent on promoting Canoe Ventures (hiring pronouncements, public appearances, sightings and did I mention more hirings) and its quixotic mission - "to redefine TV into the preeminent digital consumer marketing channel" -- couldn't the organizations that birthed Canoe Ventures have committed their siblings in support, in concert with the isolated David Goetzl press AMC discovery. After all, their pride of cable networks claims some of the most prestigious in the media community:

 

Something doesn't smell right.

Fee-fi-fo-fum
Much has been said
Little has been done;
What could the parents
Be thinking of their coffers depleting sun.