• by Fern Siegel , February 13, 2008

Most of us will never see an android, unless they improve time travel. Since we can't master Amtrak, I'm not hopeful. However, for sci-fi fans, there's a cheaper alternative: the cover of Southern Beauty. Nancy O'Dell of "Access Hollywood" hasn't just been airbrushed, she's been sandblasted. Is this what Southern women do? Scarlett O'Hara had her bewitching ways, while Blanche DuBois preferred indirect lighting, but neither let a high-powered industrial vaporizer near her creamy mien. And I'm doubtful any real-life Southern belle would either.

First, we have to decide: Is beauty regional? I ask rhetorically. Beauty is a subjective call. From what I read, O'Dell sounds like a down-to-earth woman. Best of all, the two inside photos indicate she has -- brace yourself -- facial lines. Just like a real person! I especially liked her take on beauty, defined as "how you treat others." You go, girl.

In fact, one recurring feature here is that several profiled women, including country-music singer Laura Byrna, are community-minded. In Byrna's case, she's involved with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, much as O'Dell is devoted to Best Buddies, which helps those with Down syndrome.

Still, Southern Beauty is, first and foremost, about body care -- hair, face, skin. Its tips apply to anyone whose address is planet Earth. The articles, like many beauty mags, often double as shills for products, but some were genuinely helpful. Makeup works; it's the maintenance that's killing. Not just daily, but often hourly. Getting the eyeliner, eye shadow, blush, lip gloss and hair gel right is no small trick. I miss college. In those halcyon days, you could wash your hair and run out the door. Everyone was thin, pretty and hopeful. When does optimism fade? The moment you have to pay your own rent. Or realize that time marches on -- usually across your face.

In the "Real Women, Real Issues, Real Beauty" feature, the women are divvied up by age: 20s, 30, 40s, Ageless. The before-and-after results are impressive. The 40s candidate morphed into a freshly scrubbed 14 after her makeover. SB didn't just make her look better, it defied gravity!

Also, wigs are apparently a hot trend right now, though I don't know anyone, except Cher, whose devotion is almost religious in fervor. As for the key pedicure Q&A: Do you shave your legs before getting one? Just say no. Like Giuliani should have done, when someone suggested he run for president. Pundits pored over his failed campaign, but it's a no-brainer. If your kids don't like you, neither will anyone else.

I was also confused by the "Soul Sister" piece, in which a young woman says her "perfect" life has been turned upside-down. Her fiancé is on his second tour of Iraq -- and she wants to know why God chose them to endure such agony? Honey, it's not God. It's George W. Bush. He made the decision to declare war. Whether you agree with it or not, is a personal matter. But why blame God for man's failings? That's added stress, which, according to SB, shows.

So trust Trish McEvoy, the renowned makeup artist. When asked to name the most important product she carries, McEvoy didn't hesitate: "concealer." If you ask me, it answers every question.

MAG STATS

Published by: The Southern Beauty Group
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