• by Aaron Goldman , Op-Ed Contributor, July 23, 2008

Now that I have a little tyke of my own, I've developed a new appreciation for nursery rhymes. They're my go-to anytime Eliara starts acting fussy. The problem is I that I never know more than one verse so I have to start improvising. Last week, after the 10^th reprise of "She'll be comin' round the mountain" had me riffing on Sue Decker and Yahoo, I knew it was time for another installment of Searchery Rhymes. Please enjoy with a side of Apple Seuss...

Sue'll be Comin' Round Mountain View

In the style of She'll be Coming Round the Mountain

Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View when she comes.

Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View when she comes.

Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View, Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View, Sue'll be comin' round Mountain View when she comes.

Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train when she comes.

Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train when she comes.

Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train, Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train, Sue'll be ridin' the monetization train, when she comes.

Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes.

Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes.

Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes, Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes, Sue'll be wavin' lotsa pink slips when she comes.

DOJ'lll go out to see her when she comes.

DOJ'll go out to see her when she comes.

DOJ'll go out to see her when she comes, DOJ'll go out to see her when she comes, DOJ'll go out to see her when she comes.

Yahickory Dickory Dock

In the style of Hickory Dickory Dock

Yahickory dickory dock,

Yang ran up against the clock,

He gave it his best stuff,

But Ballmer called his bluff,

So much for it being a lock.

Bostock and Yang Went to Great Pains

In the style of Jack and Jill Went Up the Hill

Bostock and Yang

Went to great pains

To avoid an outright acquisition.

They played tough,

$44 billion wasn't enough.

Then they retreated their position.

Bah Bah Ballmer

In the style of Baa Baa Black Sheep

Bah Bah Ballmer, have you any fun?

Huffing and puffing, your job's never done.

Speaking of Jobs, he really brought the pain. 

Squashed the Zune, but to you it's just a game.

Bah Bah Ballmer, have you any fun?

Too bad Yang won't give you his biz to run.

I'm Snoozing, I'm Snoring

In the style of It's Raining, It's Pouring

I'm snoozing, I'm snoring,

Your search results are boring.

Your market share

is barely there.

Will Cashback get you roaring?

Pow-er-set, Pow-er-set

In the style of Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake

Pow-er-set, Pow-er-set, Ballmer's plan,

Is snap up technology  as fast as he can.

Roll it out, mash it up, just do it quickly,

Then figure out how it'll make money.

Hey Barry Diller

In the Style of Hey Diddle Diddle

Hey Barry Diller,

Your engine's just filler

On search media plans, ya know.

The butler was a joke,

Your technology's broke.

Get crackin' with that spinoff bro.

Yankee Google

In the style of Yankee Doodle

Yankee Google took over the town,

It's PR spin smooth as a zamboni.

Stuck creative in its cap,

Scaring Mad Ave cronies.

Yankee Google keep it up,

Automating media, that's dandy.

And now finally some transparency,

Now this is really handy.

Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt

In the style of John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt.

Wish that were my name too.

Whenever we go out,

The people would always shout,

There goes Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt.

Sergey Pagerhoffer Schmidt.

If that were my name too,

People would surely know,

I'm rolling in the dough.

How many people can that private jet fit?

All Around the Marketing Bush

In the style of All Around the MulberryBush

All around the marketing bush,

Google's profits continued to double.

Then the economy took a turn for the worse.

Pop goes the bubble!

Georgie Porgie (aka Reyes)

Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie,

Reported numbers that were always high.

When the recession came into play,

Georgie Porgie ran away.

Hush Little Client

In the style of Hush Little Baby

Hush little Client, don't say a word,

Agency's gonna buy you some more keywords.

If those keywords don't convert best,

Agency's gonna run a little copy test.

If that copy test falls flat,

Agency's gonna lower bids after that.

If those bids can't go down any more,

Agency's gonna fix your online store.

If your online store can't be touched,

Agency can't really do all that much.

Twinkle, Twinkle Branding Star

In the style of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, branding star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the marketing food chain so high,
Can't get that budget no matter how hard I try.
Twinkle, twinkle, branding star,
How I wonder what you are.