• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, May 8, 2009

Failure to Update Email Address on Facebook, Further Evidence Of Sloth?

Does Exchange of Recommendations with Hickins, Ignite SAI Top Management to Question Carlson's Authenticity?

Are Three Questions in a Row Too Many?

Over the Line has pretended to receive a series of anonymous tips from highly reliable insiders (including some really Bold Face guys) revealing that Alley Insider Editor and self described "Freelance Podcast Editor" Nicholas Carlson has failed to update an email address on his Facebook page left over from his former job as a scandal monger at Valleywag and appears to be dating a Davidson College school mate, with whom he recently visited Paris taking 223 photos. Of which he commented: "I love photography because somehow I find it easier to escape into than my writing, in which I weigh each word too heavily." Moreover, in the same posting he adds: "I'm a tech-business journalist in New York. I also have literary pretensions."

"I wish I'd know about those literary pretensions before we hired Nickie," self-described former top-ranked Wall Street analyst and Silicon Alley Insider Tri-Founder Henry Blodget might have told Over the Line, but didn't. "We specialize in career damaging reporting and giving unhappy insiders with self-promoting agendas a place to air their dirty laundry. There is nothing literary about it."

Sources within SAI (which I don't have to name, since there aren't really any) say Blodget was so upset by the revelation that he accidently erased three episodes of "Damages" from his DVR when he meant to hit play. Others say that SAI Tri-Founders and self-described DoubleClick founders Dwight Merriman and Kevin Ryan have formed a taskforce to review SAI's hiring practices hoping to avoid future embarrassing post-hire scandals. Over the Line has obtained this scorching internal memo to from Ryan:

TO: HB, DM:

What the hell? Henry, don't make me wear my package-promoting spandex Spider-Man costumer to work again. You know I'll do it."

KR

"Literary is not a word I wanted associated with any of my 63 businesses," Ryan was overheard saying by a highly placed Core Club busboy.

In a day two story, previewed here, Over the Line will make a mountain out of a mole hill over the fact that that Carlson and Michael Hickins (who "managed Nicholas indirectly at InternetNews.com" in his first job after mysteriously turning his back on Merrill Lynch), apparently collaborated ON THE SAME DAY! to make favorable recommendations about each other - seen as yet another literary "tendency" from Carlson since authors routinely favorably review one another's books. Here are the suspect statements Over the Line gleaned from the Internet, of all obvious places:

"Michael is an aggressive and news-breaking journalist. He's productive and reliable. When not breaking news, he is a creative thinker who effectively advances the story with his analysis. His copy is clean and punchy. Any news organization is lucky to have him." May 11, 2007 Nicholas Carlson

"Nicholas is a perspicacious reporter and an excellent writer. He's unafraid of big stories and also very versatile. When not chasing down the next big social networking tool for the enterprise, he can be found hosting or editing podcasts." May 11, 2007 Michael Hickins

"We see this kind of you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours all the time," one highly placed recruiter for the media industry told Over the Line in a 3 am meeting on a fog-shrouded dock on the Brooklyn waterfront. "It is no big deal. What kind of idiot puts referrals on his resume that will say anything negative anyway?"

Over the Line in a day three story will accept anonymous comments from any moron who hates Carlson and wants to push the knife farther into his back. With Carlson having worked for ValleyWag and now SAI, there is a line that began to form at 2 am for the chance to post first when the comments section opens at 6 am. (We have warned the security guards and greeters to stay back when the doors open.) Among the comments we won't bother to fact check:

"Every industry Carlson worked in has begun to fail. He was an AM radio intern and now that is in the toilet. Look at what happened to the financial sector since he was a Client Associate at Merrill. He was on staff at the Davidson newspaper and now the Globe may close. The evidence is overwhelming." "He admits that his coverage of the tech industry in Valleywag "a tech gossip rag, was about at sex, greed and hypocrisy." Who's? His? Mine? Ours? I'm confused." "In Carlson's resume he admits to "utilizing HTML." Those are only letters, but so are LSD, MDA and PCP. Everyone knows Davidson is a hotbed of liberalism in the conservative South. The only thing good to come out of there is Stephen Curry -- and he is a drop out!"

The story you have just read is an attempt to blend fact and fiction in a manner that provokes thought, and on a good day, merriment. It would be ill-advised to take any of it literally. Take it, rather, with the same humor with which it is intended. Cut and paste or link to it at your own peril.