Dear Delta Airlines
Looking at my flight history, you'll notice I have 35 travel segments with your airline year-to-date. I'm not sure I can more adamantly emphasize how appropriate the term "history" applies with regard to my patronization of your airline.
Today, I was called home for a family emergency. A trip I neither planned nor desired. I was previously booked on a flight this Friday. Silly me, of course, putting you out by occupying an empty seat on a Tuesday afternoon and freeing up a seat on your typically full Friday flights.
For inconveniencing you, I was penalized by being made to purchase another ticket for an additional 300 dollars. Not only was I charged for another ticket but, because of my exquisite planning skills, I am able to purchase flights in advance at a discounted rate meaning, of course, I am due no refund of the seat I will not use. My apologies for putting you out. I can assure you it won't happen again.
In fact, as soon as I use the remainder of my well-planned itineraries, rest assured you will be rid of the blight of my frequent impositions. Not only did your emissary of empathy charge me for the flight, she neglected to put my frequent flier number on the sparkling new voucher she sold me. She also bristled when I demanded my share of the Friday seat I purchased, that you will no doubt resell to some other vagrant who dares to fill it for you. I can only advise you to spend your windfall wisely as it will take considerable investing savvy to make up for its cost to you.
I'm not really good at math, but given my documented flight schedule, the average price of one of your golden tickets, plus the 15 years, if I'm lucky, until retirement, I am certain one of your highly trained policy makers can compute just how much pinching me for three bills will ultimately cost your esteemed organization. Of course, you'll need to factor the additional and occasional $8 beer you somehow sell me without the courtesy of a reach around.
Do not, for any reason, respond to this email. I am uninterested in speaking to "someone who can help me." That authority should have been extended to the agent who "helped" me today. I've included my frequent flyer number only so you can watch my segment total dwindle to zero for the rest of the year.
I'm not unreasonable. If you'd like to talk, you can find me any Monday morning at whatever Tampa International Airport gate AirTran departs for Atlanta from.
By the way, please pass on my regards to the ticket agent who tolerated my intrusion on her conversation with another employee, today. I'm certain she is due some "up sell" revenue generation award.