• by Erik Sass , Staff Writer @eriksass1, August 16, 2010

"North Korea has established its first official presence on Twitter, the micro-blogging site that's being embraced by governments and an increasing number of world leaders." -- IDG News, August 16, 2010.

DearLeader: Dear Reader, this is your Dear Leader. In my boundless wisdom and munificent majesty, I have decided we should all be on Twitter.

DearLeader: Please, quiet your adoring jubilations. Some of you may be asking: What is this Twitter? No, it isn't food. It is a Web site and social media service.

DearLeader: What is a Web site? Boy, this is going to be difficult. Uh, listen, just look at the bright screen.

DearLeader: Okay, you see that little button that says "Faithfully Follow Your Dear Leader"? Just take the mouse and click on it.

DearLeader: No no no, not an actual mouse. Put that down. It's the thing with the wire there. See it? When you move it around, see how it moves the arrow around on the screen?

DearLeader: Now move the arrow over the "Faithfully Follow Your Dear Leader" button and HEY DON'T CLICK ON THAT.

DearLeader: Okay, new rule: you are not to follow anyone else on Twitter besides me. That means no Lady Gaga, no Justin Bieber, no Ashton Kutcher. Only I may follow them.

DearLeader: Why? Because they're my friends. Close personal friends.

DearLeader: Who dares question me? Do you have a signed photo of yourself with Lady Gaga at Disneyland? Does Justin have you on speed dial? Case closed.

DearLeader: STOP THAT. Okay, second new rule: no one else may tweet besides me. The point of this was to get more followers than Ashton, not hear from every ordinary Choi.

DearLeader: Why not? Well, do you have anything important to say? Are your day-to-day lives so interesting you really need to broadcast every detail to the world?

DearLeader: Yes, I have plenty of important, interesting things to say. In fact, I have a list right here of my first tweets.

DearLeader: First. There are no shortages. These rumors are disinformation from imperialist swine and their cowardly running dogs in our midst. Now, aren't you glad to know that?

DearLeader: No, I don't have time to explain what a running dog is right now. Next tweet...

DearLeader: Our stout-hearted People's Navy valiantly destroyed a fishing boat operated by the vile capitalist fishermen of the illegitimate entity known as South Korea. Hurrah!

DearLeader: Moving on, final tweet for today. Barack Obama is a capitalist stooge and butthead. We will not negotiate with stooges or buttheads.

DearLeader: We are willing to consider following them on Twitter, however. But only if they follow us first.