• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, September 9, 2011

I read that Klout has just measured its 100 millionth person (or entity, perhaps). The Klout Score uses data from social networks in order to measure your online "influence." Its basic premises is that every time you create content or engage, you influence others. And you don't even have to be a real person. You can be a thing like a museum or a business that posts crap in social media. People with really high Klout scores -- like in the 70s or 80s -- are said to be able to influence the topics they post most about. Me, I have a Klout Score of 10. Sigh.

It's bad enough that your wife and kids don't listen to you, but when you churn out a weekly column for the better part of 10 years, you'd think that somebody would listen (other than that guy in the Midwest who was/perhaps still is offended by nearly everything I wrote/write). But I guess all this sarcastic pontificating has done nothing to lift my "Klout." Maybe I should start tweeting every column in 140-character increments. Or occasionally do something on Facebook other than check to make sure my kids are behaving themselves there. (I think I recently sent someone one of those automatic Facebook "Happy Birthday" greetings, but I guess they didn't really appreciate the insincere click, since they didn't thank me. Although there could be some automated "thanks" on my Facebook page. I haven't checked.)

In addition to comments left at the bottom of each column, I'll get an occasional email from somebody who liked what they read. And it is always somebody who I had NO idea even read my column. Just as often, I get some heat from someone or an institution I have taken to task for this or that. "Say, aren't you the guy who ..." This exchange usually ends with me apologizing and assuring them that I meant no real harm (which, in fact, is true). See, if I was Michael Arrington, I'd just rip them a new one in a subsequent column and show them who has Klout! But I am more about the momentary chuckle than the savagery that now pervades nearly every comments section, especially Silicon Alley Insider and Tech Crunch. Holy moly.

I would probably have more Klout if I had an agenda and kept pounding away at it. But I don't. Each week I am inspired by someone else raising their hand in a public forum and saying "Me, smack me around this week." Although I was once at a cocktail party where a friend of mine made the mistake of saying it would be the pinnacle of his career to be featured in Over the Line. Two or three character assassinations later, he now converses with me like I have hemorrhagic fever and might give him tongue at any minute.

I am determined to get my Klout score up to something respectable, like 12 or 15. So post something in social media about this column (perhaps one you especially hated or liked in the past). Good or bad -- doesn't matter to me. I figure if I can "influence" you, I can learn to get my kids to turn off their cell phones at 10 p.m. without having to declare war.