My Resume, Disclaimed

by , May 14, 2012, 7:10 AM
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Yahoo CEO resigns over resume discrepancy

Chief Executive Scott Thompson steps down after a dissident shareholder calls attention to an apparent misrepresentation of his college credentials. -- L.A. Times March 12, 2012

It is a great pleasure now being associated with MediaPost, a position I attained thanks in no small part to a resume compiled over many decades and a spotless reputation. However, in the past few days, a few matters have arisen that I believe must be cleared up before they get blown out of proportion.

First of all, it has been brought to my attention that my biographical material references “winner, Congressional Medal of Honor.” This was inadvertently added by a junior staffer some years ago and simply did not come onto my radar. The accurate information, which I have corrected on my CV, is “winner, $20 Maryland Lottery Mix ‘n’ Match scratch-off.” I apologize if anyone was misled due to this clerical error.

Similarly, the line that mentions “Chief Executive Officer, Ford Motor Co." should have read “Lessee, 1999 Mustang.” I daresay, however, that I did not win this position based on some resume on file. MediaPost called me.*

But there is always some malcontent just looking to tear a successful person down. For instance, there was also some confusion about the years I attended Cambridge University as a Gates Cambridge Scholar. The education field on my job application mistakenly lists 1973-1977. The correct dates should be “never.” 

Meanwhile, a thorough audit of my records by Deloitte & Touche turned up an apparent discrepancy in my first expense report. The item identified as “Lexis-Nexis research for blockbuster investigative series” should read “hotel sexcapade with floozy.” I hasten to add that as a matter of fiduciary responsibility, Madyson and I each had the cereal and croissant breakfast.  Neither of us so much as approached a chafing dish. This I explained to the maitre d’, who was persistent in questioning the sausage and egg residue on my plate. As I explained to both him and the police officer, the hot entrees were placed there due to a clerical error. This matter was satisfactorily resolved when I paid the difference out of my own pocket.

Due to another oversight, the expense item “taxi to Newark Airport” should have read “differential, continental breakfast and hot buffet.”

I must say I am as mystified as anyone as to how these minor discrepancies slipped through the cracks. Likewise, I am neither a 10th-degree judo blackbelt or a 33-degree Mason. To be an absolute stickler, in 1988, vacationing on Long Beach Island, I failed to administer sunscreen and suffered a second-degree burn.

Also, for clarity, the word “Abbottabad” should be replaced with the words “Port Authority.” I hope this clears up any outstanding confusion so I can put these distractions behind me and commence the work MediaPost hired me to do. Semper Fi!

*Returned call.

4 comments on "My Resume, Disclaimed".

  1. Faye Oney from SDS
    commented on: May 15, 2012 at 9:58 a.m.
    Bob, it's great to see your colorful post here! I am a regular reader of MediaPost articles, and your posts will add a lot of spice to their site. I enjoyed your preso at SummitUp in 2009 and am looking forward to your insightful words of wisdom. Welcome to MediaPost!
  2. Angie Lawing from Mercury Labs
    commented on: May 15, 2012 at 5:16 p.m.
    Wonderful, sharp wit coming from Cambridge's Who's Who. Looking forward to more. The big question is - do you still have the mustang?
  3. Patricia Friedlander from Word-Up!
    commented on: May 15, 2012 at 11 p.m.
    Thanks, Bob. It's fun to get some mileage out of the arrogant.
  4. Peter Scott-Smith from FiveSight LLP
    commented on: May 17, 2012 at 2:58 a.m.
    Brill Bob, made my day! And us Brits thought we had a monopoly on irony!

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