• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, September 7, 2012

In a wonderfully thoughtful piece in iMedia this week, Jim Nichols, Vice President of Branding at ROI DNA, gives "7 reasons people think you're too old to work in digital," referencing things like "you complain about the young," "you read (about) instead of experience (new interactive developments)," and "you aren't mobile enough." In this case he doesn't mean you are no longer a contributor in the half-court basketball league (although he could have) -- rather, he means you are probably stuck at your desktop while the rest of the world is operating on handheld devices.

But Jim is a stand-up family guy, and probably by design left off a few other key indicators of why your colleagues think you are an old geezer.

You leer at the women in the office. When you have been married to the same woman for a couple of decades, you tend to think those 20somethings in casual clothes were sent by God to remind you of the good old days when you had sex with lots of different women with perky breasts, flat stomachs and no cellulite. But you staring at their every move in the office, hoping for a down-blouse or up-skirt view, does not inspire them to have pity-sex with you. Rather, it creeps them out and eventually gets you a reprimand. Get used to it: At your age, you are utterly invisible to younger women.

You tell inappropriate jokes.  Yes, when you were coming along, it was okay to tell racist and sexist jokes. Not really -- but you got away with it since nearly everyone else at the office was white and male, too. No arguing that many of those jokes were hysterical, but this ain't the ‘70s or the ‘80s anymore. You'd best save those knee-slappers for the golf course.

You play golf. It is an old, rich, white-guy sport. NOTHING is more boring than hearing about an almost hole-in-one or how you killed the back nine at Winged Foot. With rare exceptions, those around you in your office won't even begin to think about picking up a club for another 15 years, so shut up about it and get those stupid foursome photos off your desk.

Stop talking about the great books you've read. A seven-volume biography of Lyndon Johnson holds essentially no interest for anyone under 50. Besides, they don't read books yet anyway. They don't talk about great tweets or blog posts (at least not to you) so don't bother them with references to F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ken Follett and E. L. James (well, that one they might have read). Same goes for referencing stories in the New Yorker or The Atlantic. Does not compute.

That USMC tat you got at Subic Bay does not have to be revealed each time you see a couple of Chinese characters etched on a neck or ankle. And for chrissake, stop asking "Where else did you get pierced?" when you see a lip or eyebrow ring.

At all costs avoid discussing playlists on MP3 players or cell phones. Just because somebody does not know all the words to “Stairway To Heaven” or “One Toke Over The Line” does not make them musically illiterate. Bury the urge to compare Nat King Cole or Ella Fitzgerald to Cee Lo Green and/or Adele. It is a no-win proposition.

Most of all, stop trying to use the same lingo the kids in the office use. If you say something is "bad," they expect you not to like it. Sick doesn't mean you have a fever anymore -- and when you talk about your "ride," you’d best not be referring to the Prius in your driveway.