It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like MySpace

by , Dec 3, 2012, 7:35 AM
  • Comment (6)
  • Recommend (13)
Subscribe to Garfield at Large

Mark Zuckerberg  thezuck@prodigy.com

To: sherylsandberg@fbook.com

Subject: potential benefits of Christmas

Sandster, I saw the data on higher click-thrus 4th quarter. Kind of took me by surprise. The users seem to be paying 30% more attention at the holidays. What gives? Opportunity here? –  

Sheryl Sandberg  sherylsandberg@fbook.com

To: thezuck@prodigy.com

Mark, this is just more proof, courtesy of a third-party data analysis, that Facebook is a relevant platform aligned with the rhythms of our nearly 1 billion users worldwide.

Mark Zuckerberg  thezuck@prodigy.com

To:  sherylsandberg@fbook.com

Huh?

Sheryl Sandberg  sherylsandberg@fbook.com

To: thezuck@prodigy.com

Mark, FB meets people where they live. They visit here. They share here. They bond here. They perform here. And naturally, they shop here. Increased CTR simply reflect how Facebook is the only advertising platform that meets people where they live life.

Mark Zuckerberg  thezuck@prodigy.com

To:  sherylsandberg@fbook.com

Yo, this is me, not freakin’ GroupM. Shut down your PowerPoint and please explain the Xmas bump. Is it some sort of holiday-cheer deal? Should I, like, smile more? Should we all be wearing ugly sweaters?

Sheryl Sandberg  sherylsandberg@fbook.com

To:  thezuck@prodigy.com

If I may, Mark, let me call your attention to the insights from our partner Nanigans. As you have read in MediaPost, “The firm said click-though rates for e-commerce campaigns were up 30% from Black Friday to Cyber Monday compared to earlier in November. At the same time, holiday season CPCs are increasing at a similar rate as in prior years, twice as high on average as in 2010.”

Mark Zuckerberg  thezuck@prodigy.com

To:  sherylsandberg@fbook.com

Nanigans? Seriously? Isn't that the bar with all the license plates and old timey baseball jerseys nailed to the wall? Anyway, what I’m asking you, Sheryl, is what this all means. Come on, I've lost $5 billion this year. What are we doing now that wasn't working for the past 11 1/2 months?

Sheryl Sandberg  sherylsandberg@fbook.com

To: thezuck@prodigy.com

Mark, I think you need look no further than the changes to our offering: the Relationship Pages, the EdgeRank adjustments in the newsfeed, our privacy tweaks, our Promoted Posts program and so on. We have our finger on the pulse of user behavior, we are ever vigilant about the needs of our marketing partners and we leverage every chance to improve our interface and expand our reach into every aspect of our users' daily lives. Stay tuned for our Bad Photo feature with the patented “Did I Look Fat in This?” button and the Likely Affair Tracker.

Mark Zuckerberg  thezuck@prodigy.com

To: sherylsandberg@fbook.com

Dude, WTF? Those changes you listed went into effect months ago and nada. Zilch. Bupkes. The lift has been in the last 30 days. Why? Have we found the formula that makes advertising on FB a real business, versus an unwanted intrusion into the fleeting, bleating lives of a billion pitiful sheep? It's year-end. Thinking of dumping some stock for a $5 billion paper loss.  WHY DID CTRS GO UP?!?!

Sheryl Sandberg  sherylsandberg@fbook.com

To: thezuck@prodigy.com

It's Christmas, Mark. Everybody's CTRs are up.

 

6 comments on "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like MySpace".

  1. Mike Einstein from the Brothers Einstein
    commented on: December 3, 2012 at 9:29 a.m.
    Bob, I notice you have no friends on your Facebook page, despite some finely targeted - though not very well written - ads, including one for Simpli Glamorous Boutique.One of the Largest womens fashion Boutique.Located at first/Herndon(Carl's Jr's parking lot); and a particularly compelling ad that I almost missed for FREE Casino Slots (not sure exactly how or where, but heck, it's free!). Given the crucial nature of this situation, I'm going to throw caution to the wind and "like" your page all two of my Facebook friends, neither of whom gamble, but both of whom swear by Carl's Jr - especially the great parking! Don't say I didn't warn you when traffic to your page - and Carl's Jr. - soars.
  2. Thom Kennon from BrabbleTV.Com
    commented on: December 3, 2012 at 10:19 a.m.
    Bob This is a scream... i am hoping just maybe somebody gets FB to actually answer this question. Before next xmas. Thom @tkennon | +Thom Kennon
  3. Paula Storti from Worldwalk Media
    commented on: December 3, 2012 at 1:13 p.m.
    Enjoyable post Bob. Thank you! I predict next year FB will be put in its place. It is not a viable business long term. Long term for them could be a year or two. Long term to most is 10 years pluss. I have months of business experience with their C level which isn't appropriate to post. FB doesn't pan out on an ROI basis compared to other multi-channel media options. Also, Mike, you are wrong re your analysis of the Bob Garfield FB page. As of this moment he has 793 friends. -Paula
  4. Sione Palu from Feynmance
    commented on: December 3, 2012 at 2:25 p.m.
    Bob, Mr Zuckerberg meant to refer to a bar in Santa Fe, New Mexico called El Farol Bar, where people go there just like to play mind games repeately on a regular basis; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/El_Farol_Bar_problem
  5. Mike Einstein from the Brothers Einstein
    commented on: December 3, 2012 at 4:03 p.m.
    @Paula, RE: Bob's correct "friends" inventory: My lack of experience and facility with Facebook's search function led me to a Wikipedia-hosted page for him (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bob-Garfield/138901959467387). Not quite sure what that's all about, but I'll take your word for his true count with my profound apologies. He obviously holds his plentiful, yet pitiful sheep in high regard and who am I to intrude into their fleeting, bleating lives?
  6. Craig Mcdaniel from Sweepstakes Today LLC
    commented on: December 3, 2012 at 5:24 p.m.
    As a very large website owner, a big part of the “30 percent increase” is due to weather and going into the winter months. We see a big increase in our click through rate that starts in October and ends in March or April. Simply people are more likely to be home bound instead of working the flower bed. Also, many females will get on the net instead of watching football. There has been a big change in our people spend their free time when the internet came around. So MZ’s answer sounds more like a sales pitch to his stockholders than actually examining the facts.

Leave a Comment

Sign in to leave a comment. Don't have an account? Join Now

Recent Garfield at Large Articles

» Garfield at Large Archives