• Moby Dick, Brought To You By The Whale & Ale Pub
    This is a thinly veiled autobiographical tale of universal malevolence and the struggle against it by a monomaniacal hero -- yours truly. There will be heartbreak, danger, toil and the world's largest family of exchange-traded funds, a wholly owned subsidiary of BlackRock, offering not just a diversified investment instrument but low fees and significant tax advantages over equities.
  • These 15 Hottest Naked Celebrity Diets For Getting Audience Attention Will Shock You
    Reached the bottom of some Internet page the other day, and just when I thought I'd come to the end of useful content, there was a trove of irresistibility. Ding dong! You merengue?
  • Let's Invade Russia. I'm Feeling Really Good About It
    I don't know which to fear more: the possibility that the index is wrong, and the wobbling ad industry goes to its knees, or that the index is right, and brand shareholder money is squandered by the billions with no hope of an adequate return. If a rising economy does pad marketing budgets, the found money should be invested in channels that cultivate direct and ongoing connections with consumers -- not to the forest primeval.
  • Gulp!
    Dear Wall Street -- Last Friday the absolutely obvious occurred -- and you acted like you'd had a nighttime visit from the walking dead. Coca-Cola Co. announced a year-over-year decline in sales and profits in the third quarter and -- ahhhhhh!!! -FREAK-OUT!
  • Someone Please, Please Whelm Me
    Let's just say the future of TV is pretty well established by now. The news that HBO is untethering itself from exclusive cable distribution and CBS will offer a paid-streaming service for its broadcast offerings more or less cinches a future that some of us have been blathering about for a decade. That over-the-top future, which has since already largely materialized, is devoid of broadcast networks and cable juggernauts, but very rich in streaming content from Hollywood fare to Jenna Marbles to Jeffrey Hayzlett's C-Suite TV bizcasts to Morgan Spurlock's offerings on the Smartish channel to Funny or Die.com to ...
  • Kick(start)ed In The Gut
    I have known my share of rejection. I have felt the steady dull ache of Indifference. Oh yes, I have been remaindered. But nothing prepared me for this: Kickstarter. That's the crowdfunding site, where venture capital has been democratized and entrepreneurs can take their hopes and dreams directly to the people. To pitch on Kickstarter is to be evaluated not by some rich Silicon Valley kingmaker in a work shirt and chinos, but by your peers. Your peeps. Your very marketplace.
  • P.R. Wild Pitches, Autumn Edition
    This is fall, which means three things: The NFL is back, more corrupt than ever, Congress is useless (the other three seasons, too), and it's time for the semiannual P.R. Wild Pitches. Publicity worst practices in all their autumnal glory! The Garfield at Large team has spent months saving string, although we can't take much credit. The heroes of this feature are the publicists who week in and week out send out press releases displaying a nearly majestic irrelevance to anything we do here in this column about media and marketing.
  • A Voyage To Uranus
    We have our answer: 9 1/2 years. That is how long the entire agency business lives in denial after being informed, politely but firmly, that it is living on borrowed time. That's how long it took Voyager 2 to get to Uranus. Finally, with last week's announcement of a deal between Publicis Groupe and Adobe for integrated data management on a Global Marketing Platform, somebody shows signs of reckoning with reality.
  • Truly Defective: Matthew McConaughey Captured Thinking And Driving
    This is about some terrible TV commercials and one not-quite-as-bad commercial --- all starring Matthew McConaughey for the Lincoln MKC compact crossover. Every now and then comes along a campaign that defines all that is superficial, uninspired, pretentious and vacuous about advertising. In its bid to metamorphose from near-luxury to luxury, Lincoln whiffed on its almost-as-critical MKZ sports sedan. It cannot afford to screw up the MKC.
  • ABC News' 'The Brothelette'
    NEWS ITEM: A recent "Good Morning America" interview with supermodel Gisele Bundchen and Olympian Lindsey Vonn about their new Under Armour advertising campaign was paid for by Under Armour. Team coverage tonight on the remarkable new campaign for the disruptive laundry product they simply call "Smart Seek." From New York City's Fashion Week, correspondent Linsey Davis reports.
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