• by Richard Whitman , Columnist, March 4, 2015

You know, if an advance alien race arrives on earth and learned all the languages in the world, they'd still never be able to understand what the hell marketing and advertising people are talking about.

Get a load of this winning piece of blatherific business babble: "DOZ, the leading curated marketing marketplace that successfully connects brands with top-notch marketing professionals is taking over the industry with a growing platform. The company announces they now have 5K international marketers on its virtual platform. DOZ is the new dematerialized agency propelling brands into the next era of marketing."

Dematerialized agency? What. The Actual. F*ck? Sidenote: I had to right that exact phrase yesterday when Saatchi & Saatchi CEO Kevin "head in the clouds" Roberts said marketing is all about table licking. Perhaps one of my editors encapsulated DOZ's desire to be a dematerialized agency better by saying, "It was bad enough getting disintermediated, now Madison Avenue isn't even living in a material world." Cue Madonna. 

And Scotty, if you see this agency's dematerialized particles floating about the universe in your afterlife, please give them a swift kick in the ass and beam them back to reality.