• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, August 15, 2008

A London-based advertising agency that set up a separate department to weave ad messages into "content" has produced a low-budget film and a theatrical musical. While apparently winning some critical acclaim, throughout both there are references to Pot Noodle (think Ramen in a cup). In the U.S., an agency has helped produce a 45-minute-long documentary film about truck drivers to stealthily promote--god help me--a new long-haul truck. This should send a shudder through anyone who ever paid $120 a ticket for a Broadway show or even $10 for a movie ticket.

 

It is one thing that those morons on "American Idol" sit around with Coke cups (they rarely touch) in the foreground, and for Disney to base its "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies on a theme park ride. It is something else when the ad messaging is so ingrained in the concept that it becomes the raison d'être for the content. If this trend continues, it is only a matter of time before we see some of the following on screens big and small:

Dr. Hard-On: an aging surgeon trying to eke out a last few lifesaving procedures--before his failing eyes, ears, knees and well, other parts, end his remarkable career--walks around County Grace General with a perpetual erection as he pops Cialis throughout the show.

Cute interns and nurses make humorous observations about his "condition." A number of his elderly patients have strokes when he enters their rooms.

The Seventh Suzuki: a member of the Mystic Knights of the Sea Lodge Hall driving across a plague-ridden landscape--playing a monumental game of chess between himself and the personification of Death--debates the existence of God and the interior options on the Grand Vitara. He tells a priest how he challenged Death to a game of chess and reveals his strategy, only to find that the priest is actually a Suzuki dealer. The Knight takes the cash rebate over zero-percent financing, but stays with cloth rather than leather.

Sleeping With Martha: quick-hitting interviews with celebrities, who at some point walk us into their bedrooms where, entirely out of context, they stop to admire their Martha Stewart bed linen. "Why yes, Brad and I are having a little spat; oh, look at the superior detailing and textures on my sheets--aren't they a beautiful example of fine craftsmanship and meticulous construction? I think the unique embroidery techniques on each piece results in a layered, elegant look, don't you? There is no doubt that he is having an on-set affair with that little tramp."

Gone with the CornDogs: is the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a rebellious Southern belle and her experiences with friends, family, lovers, and enemies before, during, and after the Civil War (or, as we call it down South, "The recent unpleasantness.") After the Northern Invaders burn Atlanta, Scarlett finds her house in ruins, the crops burned, most of the slaves run off, her mother dead, her father demented, and her two sisters sick with typhoid. She sees that the only way to regain her economic footing is to open a CornDog stand, which becomes a monster hit with the occupying Yankees and assorted carpetbaggers unfamiliar with the Southern delicacy. She franchises and becomes the foreshadower of McD's and Starbucks.

CSI: Isle Five: a team of crack forensic specialists only investigate crimes that occur in local grocery stores. In the process of collecting evidence, they stop to comment on various Procter & Gamble products. "Look at the blood splatter pattern as it goes up the Bounty display... you know Bounty is the quicker picker-upper and is made from virgin wood pulp." "Over here, right beside the Crest Pro-Health, which uses stannous fluoride and a whitener together called 'polyfluorite,' I found an expended shell casing from what looks to be the murder weapon."

The story you have just read is an attempt to blend fact and fiction in a manner that provokes thought, and on a good day, merriment. It would be ill-advised to take any of it literally. Take it, rather, with the same humor with which it is intended. Cut and paste or link to it at your own peril.