• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, April 29, 2011

When I read that Scientologist, mother of Tom Cruise's children and -- oh, actress -- Katie Holmes had reached a settlement in her $50 million defamation lawsuit against celebrity magazine Star over an article that falsely suggested she was a drug addict, I was, well, relieved. I can't count the number of nights I lay awake worrying that Katie might have fallen under the addictive spell of Xenu -- I mean crystal meth. But then I read that part of the settlement was that Star would make a "substantial donation" to "a charity that helps underprivileged American youngsters pay for dance classes."

Really? Dance classes?

Even the monumentally insensitive Mark Zuckerberg (or his image advisors) could figure out that Newark's schools (with which he had no connection, but Newark IS butt-up against the HQs of the biggest media companies in the world) was a better place to direct dollars than dance classes.

Japan, Haiti or New Orleans could still use some help; so could the dozen or so states that just got smacked by a record number of tornadoes and floods, many of which wiped out things for kids to do rather than dance -- like eat, sleep and learn.

I remember when it was part of my job to dispense with Newsweek's charitable contributions (that was back before Newsweek itself needed charity) and I was besieged by a nonprofit whose mission it was to introduce "underprivileged American youngsters" to, drum roll, please... opera. Like evangelical Christians who have an urgent need to "share" the good news, I appreciate that people with an abiding love for something think that it will bring a similar measure of technicolor joy and fulfillment into other's live -- specially those whose days are otherwise unrolling in black and white -- but at some point a little common sense has to kick in.

It is hard enough to get old, rich, white people to sit still and pay attention at the opera -- much less those whose musical tastes trends toward 50 Cent, Carrie Underwoodor Ghostface Killah. And boiled down, the plots of most operas are pretty loosely based on the same theme: folks killing each other over love or lust. Not the most appropriate of messages for the impressionable. Perhaps a little side lesson on diva nutrition can be worked in during intermissions.

Likewise, while I am sure if you audition three or four million kids who say they can dance, you might find the next Fred Astaire or Ben Vereen. But will it have been worth the cost that might have otherwise fed, clothed or housed a few thousand of them instead? When an athlete raised in challenging circumstances becomes an international star, there is little conversation about the tens of thousands just like him who were disposed of along the way because they did not show the same "promise."

Let me break it down for future celebrities who can't figure it out for themselves: food,  clothes, shelter, safety, medical care, basic reading, writing and arithmetic, ethical behavior -- um, then maybe the arts.