• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, April 6, 2012

Our neighbors to the north announced the other day that the Royal Canadian Mint will stop distributing pennies -- joining others like Britain, Australia, New Zealand and the Netherlands, in dumping the local equivalent of one-cent coins. Cash transactions will now be rounded to the nearest nickel. What an intelligent and progressive idea, especially since it generally costs most governments more than a cent to produce the dammed things -- and nothing in the world costs a penny anymore.

What is more annoying than watching your purchase ring up to some odd six cents as the clueless cashier starts to count out four pennies as part of your change? For years I have dropped them just outside the door of stores, hoping that it might be something of a hint that I don't want pennies. But I’m sure all I have done is make some five-year-old's day. Alternatively, I tell the cashier to keep the extra few cents, hoping that they might one day return the favor. But they never do.

To kick-start some common cents (ROFLMAO), perhaps we should declare an international day to "Get Rid Of Stupid Stuff We Don't Really Need." Here are some other things on my list:

Anonymous comment sections. If you don't have the cojones to own it, then don't write it. The occasional nugget is buried under a mountain of smart-assed failed efforts at humor and unbridled retribution. It degrades our society.

Dubstep. There is nothing melodical about it, but simply crushing drops, brain-rattling drums and electronically generated riffs designed to mug audiences whose sensibilities are already compromised by gin and ecstasy. Instead, drop a spaghetti pot over each head and give it a few rhythmic smacks with a ball-peen hammer. Repeat as needed.

The.9 added to the price of each gallon of gas. Really? Do you think it still fools people after all this time? Especially since what precedes it is now getting up in the $5 range. At least donate it to help repave some roads.

Keith Olbermann. Shoulda shut up and stayed at ESPN. Been straight downhill ever since.

Algorithms. If the math majors want to huddle and trade funny algorithms, then god bless. But if your business model is dependent on some vague concept involving data and algebraic equations that promise to radically transform the world of advertising, take a deep breath and rethink.

Corner bugs. You can show me your channel logo from now until the End of Time, and it will NEVER become a brand in my mind. It will remain an annoying bit of crap trashing up a corner of my screen -- along with all the other digital crap you now insert across the bottom of my TV trying to monetize every second of my viewing. It is like walking across the casino floor in Atlantic City: makes you want to shower quickly.

"All-natural" labels. Who gives a shit? You know it is BS, I know it is BS, and I stopped buying based on it years ago. Yeah, it worked for about 20 minutes, but it doesn't any more. BTW, neither does "organic" or "eco-" or "green." Especially if it costs 25% more.

Fox News. Never was, never will be. Why bother?

Empty comment boxes. I am certain you have your own short list of "Stupid Stuff We Don't Really Need." Share it. Bonus points for funny.