• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, November 10, 2004

As if bloggers and declining newspaper readers are not putting enough pressure on journalists, there are reports that a company in the United Kingdom is asking the public to submit news stories online (which, as the news goes these days, includes tales of romance, heartbreak, and life-changing experiences) some of which they buy, then sell to newspapers.

Recent winners include an old people's home that sent bodies to a morgue without proper certification, a father who became a mother and then won custody of her child, and a kiss-and-tell involving a prominent pop star.

"Many people don't trust the media and feel more comfortable giving information through an online form. Whistleblowers, in particular, are concerned that newspapers will not keep their identity anonymous," said a publicity agent for the company.

While the Internet has enabled the public to bypass editors who act as gatekeepers of the public agenda, no one as yet tosses their stories onto the front steps of millions of homes each morning or includes them in the 22 minutes that make up the national evening newscasts. But who knows what the future will bring? Perhaps someone will figure out how to monetize stories provided by the man-in-the-street (oh, and somehow assure the stories are fair, accurate, and balanced.)

With all the noise about the Internet providing fresh voices unfiltered by the Great Eastern New York/Washington Media Establishment, few have pondered just what this means. Here are some of those unfiltered "news stories" of the future, each designed for the typical online short attention span:

Newsweek Special Election Issue Sells Out - The special midweek issue of Newsweek produced just hours after the race was called for President Bush, has sold out in two drug stores in Crawford, Texas. Otherwise it is still around just about everywhere.

Ovitz, Disney Settle - Michael Ovitz and senior executives at Walter Disney have settled on who will go to Spago on which nights so that they need not bump into each other. On even numbered days....

Martha Escapes! - For the fifth straight week, Martha Stewart has escaped floor scrubbing by bribing others to take her rotation by promising to put their recipes for fried grits in her new cookbook.

Semmel Leaves Yahoo! - As he does every night, Yahoo! CEO Terry Semmel yesterday left his office at about 6:30 p.m. "I try to get out by then," says Semmel, "but sometimes I am a little later because of meetings and such."

Ted Turner To Buy Time Warner - In a move to diversify his portfolio, Ted Turner announced today that he plans to buy 100 shares of Time Warner, "Just for old time's sake."

ReCount Shows Kerry Wins - In a recount of whose chickens produced the most eggs in 24 hours, Samuel W. Kerry said he had forgotten to look under Ol' Betsy where he discovered three more eggs. As a result, Kerry has won the Mayberry, Kan. Farmer's Coop contest for the third straight year.

Online Ads Work Better Than TV Commercials - As an economy move, Michael Zimbalist has stopped subscribing to cable, thus rendering his TVs unwatchable. As a result, he only sees ads online. "There is no question," Zimbalist tells the Press-Record, "that in my house online ads work better than TV commercials... primarily because we can still see them."

Darien Hooters Expands - The idea of a fictitious Hooters operating in Darien Conn. has been expanded by a MediaPost columnist to test if Darien city fathers are still loyal readers