Your Own Personal GPS Jesus

by , Dec 23, 2013, 8:55 AM
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I am not sure if this has anything to do with the purported “War on Christmas.” At least I hope it doesn't. But apparently the baby Jesus figure in nativity scenes is subject to thievery. I am not kidding. Just Google some of the terms. Two in Pittsburgh and others in Cincinnati. One in Olympia. Even across the pond, theft is being reported from “Stoke-on-Trent.” In Cincinnati, local news (which has a thing for reporting these things) notes that a Jesus figure stolen a year ago has been returned. Well, good -- because I have been wondering all along what thieves do with these pilfered plastic icons. I mean, is there a black market for this? Who would you fence it to? And for whom would it make the perfect gift?

I have no idea what a prankster has in his dark heart that would make him do such a thing. But wireless technology has an answer. For the eighth year, a GPS tracking service is offering free to churches, non-profits, schools and hospitals a GPS tracker and 30 day cloud-based monitoring for their nativity Jesus figures. The Spark Nano model fits into the back of the figure. When the figure is stolen and moves outside its assigned geo-fence, the monitoring service signals the owner and then tracks its movements. “If a nativity figurine is stolen or taken for a joy ride, victims will receive a text or email alert, and then be able to track the figurine's location in real-time on any PC, smartphone or tablet.”

Taking Jesus for a “joy ride” is a thing, apparently. According to a new report on the product, you will be able to know when “Jesus is in motion.”

War on Christmas? Bah! Humbug! Defenders of the tradition are well armed with wireless technology. Santa (courtesy of NORAD) and baby Jesus (courtesy of BrickHouse), have been tagged and tracked. 

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