• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, March 28, 2005

President: You are all probably wondering why I called you here this morning&

Account Executive (AE): Oh, for Christ's sake Brad, there are only four of us here, what's on your mind?

Pres: I think we should break up the company into four different companies.

Media Director (MD): Are you nuts? We just partnered six months ago to pool our talents so we could go after bigger accounts.

Creative Head (CH): Dude! Are you high, man? What would be the point?

Pres: Well, I don't think we have achieved synergy.

AE: Synergy? What in the hell is that? Sounds like a tech start up or an oil company?

Pres: Don't you read the papers! Synergy is an increase in the value of assets as a result of their combination. It is what companies say to the press and shareholders when they are about to make a particularly stupid acquisition or merger. In spite of 75 years of history to the contrary, everyone still believes in it... like the tooth fairy.

CH: Dude, are you saying there's no tooth fairy!?!

MD: What do you really mean? You don't like working with us?

Pres: That's not the point. The point is that together we haven't made any more money than we would have working separately.

AE: But we've only pitched together three or four times, don't you think it's a little early to make that call?

Pres: Did we get the accounts?

AE: Are you insinuating there was something wrong with the way I presented? You know the creative in the deck wasn't all that great.

CH: Cold dude, cold! If you didn't spend all your time at Frederick Fekkai maybe we'd have won some business!

AE: Not to mention the media plans& they looked like something my 15-year- old did for his high school newspaper.

MD: Well excuuuuuse me! The plans were based on the lame-ass strategies Brad developed.

Pres: See, see, this is the problem. You all have extraordinary individual talents, but we can't seem to combine them in a way that makes us seem bigger and more important than we are. No synergy!

AE: Well, don't look at me, I did MY job!

CH: Me too, can't blame me.

MD: I have 20 years of experience; you know it wasn't my fault.

Pres: No wonder this didn't work, you guys don't want to own any responsibility for anything. This only works when everyone stops worrying about his own turf and agrees to cooperate for the greater good, for the chance to sell multi-media programs that we could not have sold or managed on our own.

AE: Not to mention all the times our esteemed creative director showed up with pinwheels for eyeballs&

CH: Listen you fruitcake&

MD: Brad, I think it was your lack of leadership, not anything to do with media&

A brief but bloody fistfight ensues. Within a month each has joined new firms. Press releases all reference synergy as a byproduct of the new hires.