• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, March 9, 2007

Is it official? Is life as we have lived it finally over? It has taken 25,000 years of evolution (or about half an hour if you are a born-again Christian), but there is new evidence that the balance of literacy has finally tilted irrevocably from men to women.

The newest straw was when Adweek's annual list of the nation's ten "hottest" magazines (hot in terms of revenue, ad pages and circ, at any rate) contained only two titles that would be considered "men's" titles: Wired and The Economist, at 8th and dead last on the list, respectively. What's more, the consolation list "10 Under 50" had seven books with titles like Dwell and Women's Health.

Now you could argue that this simply reflects that women are more voracious consumers of magazines than men, especially since the Internet annulled Playboy, Penthouse and all those under-the-counter issues seemingly reproduced on mimeograph machines that featured women with (ahem) "plus-sized" mammaries. One might also argue that, since all of the listed titles in some fashion traffic in typically female anxieties such as décor, clothes and relationships, the gentler sex has simply reached neurotic critical mass sooner than global villagers of the male persuasion.

One could point to the arc of Ann Moore's trajectory across the Time Inc. firmament and track the steady shift from predominantly male books to female-oriented magazines, but I believe her when she says it's "now all about digital." OK, Ann, let's start by logging on to your ARPANET account...

You knew that something was up when one of the networks cast a woman as the President of the United States, but balance was restored when the show was canceled about three minutes into the season. On the other hand, I have a high degree of confidence that "Battlestar Galactica"'s female president can lead what's left of the Twelve Colonies back to Earth--if we can only drag her away from the newsstand.

Reading magazines may simply have become a default activity for women married to guys who'd rather watch "Rome" and "24" than talk about summer camp options for the 10-year-old. That's why they call some magazines "aspirational"--which is Latin for "women who aspire to have a conversation about something other than who will be the Cinderella team in this year's NCAA tournament."

It's a well-documented fact that men's lips get tired when they read--and to be sure, reading a magazine can be a bit more taxing than using the remote to watch three different channels at once, or avoid getting killed in "Call of Duty 2: Big Red One." So higher readership may point to a greater ability to reason, to grasp multidimensional detail and follow a narrative line (that does not include serial killers or tank commanders.) Either that--or a crushing need to know what color eyes TomKat's child has.

The story you have just read is an attempt to blend fact and fiction in a manner that provokes thought, and on a good day, merriment. It would be ill-advised to take any of it literally. Take it, rather, with the same humor with which it is intended. Cut and paste or link to it at your own peril.