Commentary

You Can't Fire Me, I Quit!

In a stunning reversal, a group of ad networks have kicked out premium publishers, saying they are "too high maintenance and well, kinda prissy" as business partners. In their launch announcement, the newly formed coalition of Big Ad Networks (BAD) say they are tired of being picked on in the press and have hired a New York PR firm to promote the value of the 25-cent CPM.

"ESPN and CBS and Forbes can go their own damned ways," one ad network president told Over the Line. "Let them see how far they get selling the inventory on the 87th page of their sites. If they think for a minute that media buyers aren't going to notice that the traffic to girl's D3 volleyball isn't the same as the front page of their NFL coverage, and they can sell their backwater inventory for a higher price than we can, God bless 'em. Just because you think you are a big smarty pants 'brand' doesn't mean that everything you touch turns to gold."

ESPN recently withdrew from ad networks, claiming that they diminish the brand's value. Some publishers are criticizing the exchanges and networks for commoditizing and cheapening all ad inventories, for creating mass, not value.

"You know, when I was younger, I used to bust my ass to try and go out with fashion models," another network CEO told OTL. "It felt great to have everyone's head turn when I walked into the room. You could see guys looking sideways at their dates like they had leprosy compared to my date. But then the reality set in. I found out they wouldn't eat a burger; they had to have 'organic salad' at 30 bucks a plate. Instead of a brew, they only drank crap in funny glasses with little straws that cost $15 or so a round. They'd never set foot in the subway -- and looked at you like a carnival barker if you suggested a walk on the beach at Coney Island instead of East Hampton. Those brand sites are just like fashion models. And just like I married a girl-next-door type from the Midwest instead of an 89-pound bag of gorgeous bones, I'm done trying to be an escort to dates who don't appreciate me for who I am."

Asked how they felt about being kicked out of a dozen or so ad networks, several publishers told OTL, "Geez, I had no idea they were even selling my inventory. How long have I been IN their network? You know, we don't even cash checks that come in for less than $500 a month; we put them in a box to send to the Do Something Foundation."

It will be a little harder to get traction with agency planners and buyers with "100ReallyGreatFartJokes.com rather than CBS Sports, but as we've been telling them all along, a conversion is a conversion is a conversion no matter where you find it," says one BAD sales rep. "Besides, I think we can ride that mid-tail, long-tail horse for a few more laps, even with a broken leg, bowed tendons and laminitis."

To replace the inventory lost to sites they have booted from their networks, the members of BAD have agreed to sell each other's remaining inventory, but have assigned exclusive naming rights to the same audience. For example, on one network the users will be called "Soccer Moms" while the same group on another network will be sold as "MILFs."

"It's all in the packaging," says a BAD CEO. "There is no such thing as a bad impression, only one that I can't sell... again and again."

 

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