• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, September 5, 2008

In the same week that AOL announced it has refined its ability to annoy iPhone users with ads if they browse to any site in its network, comes word that giant electronic advertising billboards may appear for the first time in the 900-year history of Venice's St. Mark's Square. Further investigation ruled this out as a stunt to kick off another tiresome Advertising Week, establishing that in fact Venetian officials are looking for advertising to help underwrite the cost of major restoration work in the historic Piazza that may take at least six years to complete.

I might suggest to the city of Venice that officials institute a simple opt-out system giving the city's more than 15 million tourists the opportunity to pay, say $25 each towards the restoration work as they enter the city, thus foregoing the advertising. I'd be willing to stick my $25 in the mail, since there is little to no chance I will get back to Venice in the next decade -- and just the thought of Guess Jeans billboards on the Basilica and the Campanile Bell Tower turns my stomach.

If this abomination is in any way successful in Venice, every municipality in the world with crumbling historic ruins (which is every city in the world) will embrace this as a way to pay for restorations. Since context is everything, let's think of the right products for the world's most visited landmarks:

Great Wall of China: home security systems; Mongolian tourism; condoms; Listings of Rules and Regulations Governing the Free Expression of Ideas in The People's Republic of China; Guess Jeans.

Tomb of Lenin: leatherbound, autographed copies of 'Imperialism, the Highest Stage of Capitalism"; Guess Jeans; Trotsky bobble head dolls; McDonald's; New York real estate; Georgian tourism.

Eiffel Tower: Le Jules Verne; Vietnam tourism; Citroën; Anti-American slogans and sentiments; Guess Jeans; anything featuring a minimally draped LaetitiaCasta;Viagra.

Roman Coliseum: Guess Jeans; Dario Argentofilms; Olive Garden; Vatican City tours; Tours of shrines to archaic Roman mythological gods; Pirelli.

Empire State Building:Vizi Media; pest control, Affordable Apt. Wanted; Yankees -post-season tickets; Guess Jeans.

White House: FORECLOSED!

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