Brothers and sisters, I'm here today to set you free. I am giving you express, written permission to not give a crap about soccer during this summer's FIFA World Cup.

About 95 percent of the time, I'm a sensible decision-maker. I check to see what Consumer Reports thinks is best and buy that product, subscribe to that service or decry that predatory entity. When it comes to matters of the wallet, independent thinking is overrated. The other five percent of the time, my deeply ingrained stupidhead instinct kicks in and, always regrettably, I improvise.

I don't need another means of isolating myself from my fellow sentient beings. That's why I'll likely be the last kid on the block to plug into Google Glass. And yet I can't stop consuming any/all information about each successive Glass iteration, no matter how insignificant. I'm not sure what I think of "Seeds," the first Google-stamped Glass video to go viral, though. On one hand, its payoff packs an emotional wallop. On the other, "Seeds" actually casts the product in its least ambitious light to date. It takes videos? So does everything else.

I'd like to start today's column with a shout-out to the pharmaceutical industry. Following a 48-hour stretch in which I participated in a range of nonstrenuous dad activities (bowling, power-washing, assembly of "big boy bed" for son), my back exploded. As a result, most of my recent waking moments have been spent in a muscle-relaxant haze, full of rainbows and splashy dolphins and happy pies and la la la la la la la la. I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. Flushing the extra pills after I recover might be wise.

I know I'm supposed to revert into bitchy-media-scold mode whenever The New York Times comes up in casual conversation, but I can't. I like the Times. It informs me and, in doing so, renders me a solid 3.25 percent more - what's the word I'm looking for here? - smart-thinking-y on a daily basis.