DDB Unleashes Verbal Diarrhea-Infused Manifesto On Importance Of Influence

Oh, please. Does anyone who has worked in an ad agency for more than two seconds find any inspiration from these ham-handed, buzzword-laden, pointlessly prolific manifestos that are seemingly aimed at corralling the awesomeness of creativity which supposedly resides within the agency? If you've seen/read one, you've seen them all. Well, here's another one -- this time from DDB, which thinks it has the answer. It's influence. It makes us grow. It makes us proud. It makes us free. And it's the freedom from chaos. And fear. And DDB is happy to provide this the world over at the "intersection" of creativity, humanity and technology. And guess what else? DDB doesn't create awareness. Or likes or clicks. Or impressions. No siree. They CREATE RELEVANCE FOR BRANDS! Oh good. Everyone can go to sleep tonight knowing DDB is the only agency in the world that truly understands how to -- dare we even use such a mundane word? -- advertise. Watch it here now before they delete it. 

So former Havas Global CEO David Jones, who was replaced by the son of Havas's controlling shareholder Vincent Bollore (can you say nepotism?) last August and booted from his position as Havas Worldwide CEO in January in favor of Andrew Benett, earned $13.5 million in compensation last year. Though we are loath to bring adulation to agency management salaries, we'd venture to say Jones deserves every penny following that epic ousting.

In an epic statement of the obvious, Amy Fulford, VP and director of social media for Detroit-based Agency 720, said  “We’ve evolved from thinking social media is used only by the Millennial generation to realizing it’s where adults 25 to 54 are, and it’s very important for [car] dealers to reach those eyeballs.” But recovering nicely, she adds, the recommendation that dealers limit their primary focus to Facebook and Twitter saying: “Do those two, and do them very well. Some people try to be everything to everyone across all sites, but if you don’t do it right, it’s better to not do it at all.” We'd agree. Experimentation with new and niche social media channels should be considered -- but if there are limited resources, doing a few things well is way better than doing a lot of things in a half-assed fashion.

Well, this is a laugh. And a challenge to any agency that decides to take it on. Nestle, makers of all kinds of less-than-healthy goodies, has issued an RFP asking agencies to help reposition it as a "recognized and trusted food and beverage, nutrition, health and wellness company." No, seriously. We're not lying. The company that makes Goobers, Raisinets, Butterfinger, Sno-Caps, the $100,000 Grand bar, Babe Ruth and others wants to be known as a health and wellness company. This might be the most egregious effort at further pulling the wool over consumers' eyes, or it could be the greatest brand makeover of all time. Not, of course, with the company drastically changing what goes into all those goodies it has on the shelves in the checkout aisles of every grocery store across the nation.
Recommend (5) Print RSS
All content published by MediaPost is determined by our editors 100% in the interest of our readers ... independent of advertising, sponsorships or other considerations.
1 comment about "DDB Unleashes Verbal Diarrhea-Infused Manifesto On Importance Of Influence".
  1. George Parker from Parker Consultants , June 3, 2014 at 1:43 p.m.
    As I say on "AdScam"... In “Creative Heaven” Bill Bernbach must be poking his eyes out with rusty knitting needles. Cheers/George "AdScam" Parker
  • Zimmerman Advertising Hired to Make This Fast-Growing Sports Nutrition Brand Grow Even Faster

    Did you know that Fort Lauderdale-based Zimmerman Advertising is one of the nation's leading retail agencies? Well that's what the press release said so it must be true. And guess what else? The agency has been hired by the world's fastest-growing sports nutrition company to grow even faster! Yes, it's true! The press release said so!

    The agency will take on the $15 million account for BPI Sports, a sports nutrition company. 

    Of selecting Zimmerman to handle its business, BPI Sports Co-Founder and EVP James Grage said, "Hiring an ad agency is a key ingredient to significantly grow our business, establish BPI Sports as the premier sports nutrition brand, and position our company as an iconic, multi-channel business. Most agencies are full of smoke and mirrors and don't deliver on what they promise. It was refreshing to finally find one who's as good at making ads as they are at making money for their clients. I have no doubt Zimmerman will generate powerful results for BPI."

    Clearly, BPI Sports believes it has selected the right agency for its business. The agency is on a roll having also just won American Media, a health and fitness publisher.

  • This New York Agency May Or May Not Have Won the Vans Account

    Press releases. They make you yawn. These committee-written documents are stuffed with silly platitudes aimed to placate marketing directors who still believe journalists want to read stuff that looks like it was written by a robot.

    And so I'd like to give a big shout out to New York-based Catch which issued a hilarious gem of a release touting the fact they "may have been retained by the legendary brand Vans to develop an extremely confidential project, which may or may not be released this year."

    The release goes on to quote an un-named (of course) Vans spokesperson who said, "We can neither confirm nor deny that Vans has retained Catch New York. All we are willing to say is that they seem pretty cool and creative and if we were going to hire an agency to help us launch something really awesome, we would hire Catch. But that's all we'll say."

    On the agency side, Catch ECD Marco Cignini said, "We're thrilled, excited, honored and humbled to be a part of the team that might be creating something amazing for Vans.”
  • OK So It's Not Called Spiffly But Alex Bogusky Did Launch A 'Social Impact Agency Platform'

    Last week I made note of Alex Bogusky launching a start-up that that would focus on doing social good and that it would be called Spiffly. The first part was right. The second part was wrong. The new entity will be called Fearless and "will help socially-minded corporations, foundations and non-profits develop 360° campaigns while providing the added value of a built-in millennial audience through Fusion's television, social and digital platforms."

    Fearless will be a division of Disney/ABC/Univision's cable network and digital platform Fusion and run in partnership with Bogusky, former CP+B'ers Dagny Scott and Lelsie Freeman. Fearless will "enable clients to engage with an ultra-connected audience in all of the places they consume media. The agency will develop multi-platform content spanning video, art, text, comedy, documentaries, television, events, and sharable content, all with an eye toward raising awareness and moving millennials to action on key issues and ideas that encourage positive change in the world."

    Of the launch, Bogusky said, "Mashing up agency and media solves a huge problem for socially-minded clients who have incredibly compelling messages but no way to find their audience. Fusion is striking the right tone. Although millennials are more interested in doing good, they aren’t motivated by the same old dry boring, righteous approach. They have the attitude that changing the world can and needs to be fun. And I happen to agree with that.” 

    Fusion will be opening an office in Boulder, Colorado where Fearless will be based.

  • This 'Dematerialized Agency' Needs Scotty to Beam It Back to Earth

    You know, if an advance alien race arrives on earth and learned all the languages in the world, they'd still never be able to understand what the hell marketing and advertising people are talking about.

    Get a load of this winning piece of blatherific business babble: "DOZ, the leading curated marketing marketplace that successfully connects brands with top-notch marketing professionals is taking over the industry with a growing platform. The company announces they now have 5K international marketers on its virtual platform. DOZ is the new dematerialized agency propelling brands into the next era of marketing."

    Dematerialized agency? What. The Actual. F*ck? Sidenote: I had to right that exact phrase yesterday when Saatchi & Saatchi CEO Kevin "head in the clouds" Roberts said marketing is all about table licking. Perhaps one of my editors encapsulated DOZ's desire to be a dematerialized agency better by saying, "It was bad enough getting disintermediated, now Madison Avenue isn't even living in a material world." Cue Madonna. 

    And Scotty, if you see this agency's dematerialized particles floating about the universe in your afterlife, please give them a swift kick in the ass and beam them back to reality.
  • Saatchi & Saatchi Opens Dallas Office, Will Recruit At SXSW

    Are you going to SXSW? Do you want a new job? Then, it appears, you might want to hook up with Saatchi & Saatchi, which is opening up a Dallas office and will be trolling the streets of Austin during SXSW for new hires. 

    The new office is for the agency's Team One unit, which focuses specifically on the Toyota and Lexus accounts. The agency's move to Texas is in reaction to Toyota moving its U.S. sales and marketing operations to Plano, Texas. 

    And so between barbecue and overcrowded sessions, head over to the SXSW Job Market at the JW Marriott (Floor 2). The hours are Friday, March 13 from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Saturday, March 14 from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.

  • MRY Hires Drones As Employees, Says They Will Be A Game Changer

    As part of its sponsorship of the New York City Drone Film Festival (yeah, apparently it's a thing), MRY put out a video which envisions what life would be like in an agency if it hired several drones as employees. 

    The comical, tongue-in-cheek video stunt has MRY CEO Matt Britton waxing eloquently just like any other agency CEO might do when talking about whatever bleeding edge, innovative, cut-through-the-clutter stunt of the week agencies are so prone to do.

    Britton talks about a crop of drones that have come into the agency with some tremendous creativity and yet the rest of the agency isn't so high on the idea complaining about the more scary elements of the drones. Britton isn't deterred. He thinks they're going to be a game changer.

    Watch the video here.
  • Saatchi & Saatchi's Kevin Roberts Says Marketing Is Now All About Table Licking

    Hmm. First, TV was dead. Then advertising was dead. Now, according to Saatch & Saatchi Worldwide CEO Kevin -- aka Mr. Lovemarks -- Roberts, marketing is dead. Now it's all about creating a "movement." Yeah, that sounds about right. The kind of movement one makes when they visit the bathroom. 

    But Roberts is a bit more eloquent saying: “You do that by figuring out how you add mystery, sensuality and intimacy to a brand. Sensuality: we feel the world in five senses. Whether you like this room or not, [the architect] Antonio Citterio designed it and all five senses are at work in here. I mean, people want to lick this table.”

    What. The. Actual. F*ck?

    If Lovemarks wasn't crazy enough, now Roberts wants us to go around licking the brands we love. What is up with that, dude?

    Apparently, though, his followers at the agency love him. One such follower put it thusly: “His personality does not transfer to paper. He overdoses on the bullshit massively, but he is a great leader and without him Saatchi & Saatchi would probably not exist.”

    Overdoses on bullshit. Yeah, that sounds about right.
  • Fuel Interactive Re-Brands to Fuel Because, Well, Typing Two Words Took Too Long

    The agency formerly known as Fuel Interactive, not to be confused with Fuel Industries -- oh wait, they changed their name too -- has changed their name to, simply, Fuel. Why? Well, as the press release says, "to better reflect the effect the addition of their capabilities has on a client's business." Okay...so the agency now just fuels brands? But not interactively? Wait, is there still such a thing as non-interactive marketing? I'm confused.

    Maybe Fuel CEO Stuart Butler can explain more succinctly. He says: “It’s been a period of unprecedented growth for us here at Fuel. With these changes came a fundamental shift in our focus and how we approached solving problems for our clients. We found that our old name no longer captured the essence -- the spirit and energy -- we are looking to bring to the market. We needed something that reflected what we really are, what we really do for our customers.”

    Right. Because no other agency on the planet fuels growth for their clients, right? I think everyone in the agency just got tired of typing Fuel Interactive all the time. Now they can just type Fuel. Because, you know, shorter is always better.

    In any case, they agency is excited about the change. Butler adds: “The rebranding has ignited us to reinvent the way that the hotel and travel industry does marketing. Our services make hotel marketing simple. And our new logo, new Web site and tagline provide a new feel and energy that brings us to an entirely new level of drive.”
  • New Cannes Glass Lion to Eradicate Boobs, Booty And Dumb Dads From Advertising

    As if there weren't already enough Cannes Lions awards to suck the ad world dry with entry fees, now there's another one. Cannes has introduced the Glass Lion to honor work that shatters gender stereotypes. The organization notes the award "specifically recognizes work that challenges gender bias and shatters stereotypical images of men and women which remain rooted in marketing."

    It would seem the aim of the new award is to root out sexism, misogyny, misandry and all other forms of gender stereotyping from advertising. What a bummer. I'm going to miss those Carl's Jr. ads. Okay, kidding. Well, maybe not completely.

    Anyway, Cannes has brought in the master of stereotype eradication to head up the Glass Lion Jury. Founder and CEO of IfWeRanTheWorld, MakeLoveNotPorn and former founder of BBH New York Cindy Gallop will head the jury. Gallop is a well-known proponent of proper gender representation in advertising.

    Of the award category, Gallop says, “I couldn't be more thrilled about the introduction of the Glass Lion, which demonstrates Cannes Lions' commitment to ensuring that both our industry and the work we create not only more accurately reflects the world around us, but actively changes it for the better. I am honored to be Jury President, and look forward, together with the jury, to celebrating work that will set the gold standard for creative and sociocultural change."

    Now even though Cannes Lions may never stop bleeding the industry dry with its entry fees, the organization will allocate all the Glass Lion entry fee proceeds into programming that promotes a more gender-neutral media landscape.
  • This Director Of Earned Media Wants To Be Ace Ventura Pet Detective

    While every morning she's grateful her clients haven't become part of some social media disaster and Twitter is her go to outlet for news, Huge (no, she isn't huge -- that's the name of the agency) Director of Earned Media Alyssa Galella says that if she weren't working at Huge, she'd love to be "a detective. Or work in an animal shelter. I would basically be Ace Ventura, Pet Detective."

    That's an interesting goal for a woman who was recently named one of PR Week's Innovation 50 or who accomplished a killer social media stunt by sending 99 boxes of Cap'N Crunch cereal to Jay-Z who later mentioned the stunt on the radio. Of course, yes -- she's just kidding, but Ace Ventura who certainly was a character. And I like people who aspire to be interesting characters.

    But what's most interesting about Galella, who is far from being an old timer, is her wise view of social media today. She says, "There's no longer a dividing line between 'media' and 'social media.' You need to be fluent in both traditional media relations and social media to do your job most effectively. Most of what I've learned hasn't been on the clock, either -- take the initiative to read a ton, be active on social media, attend events, and take classes you're interested in." You know -- become educated in the ways of life. 

    Thank God. Someone who doesn't think Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat are the only valid forms of media in existence.

>> Mediapsssst Archives