• Ace Show Biz , Thursday, November 6, 2008 10:30 AM

And just as I was tweeting for the first time, I got a telephone call during which all of the Jonas Brothers -- Three of them? Four? My daughter's 24 and more into Tom Waits -- quickly introduced themselves before one of them prattled on about some concert Verizon was sponsoring that had something to do with an island somewhere. At the end of the call, a FedEx-fast-talking-like tag told me I could call 410-910-0614 if I wanted to remove my telephone number from the list.

Now, I'm kind of resigned to the serial telebegging of various Police Benevolent Organizations and the unctuous concern of the lady who keeps telling me that my auto warranty is expiring, but WHY ARE VERIZON AND THE GOODY-GOODY JONAS BROTHERS VIOLATING MY NATIONAL DO-NOT-CALL REGISTRATION in the first place, I wondered?

I did quick bit of investigative Googling.

There's nothing about the promotion in mainstream trade media (aka MSTM), but Ace Show Biz informs us that anyone who "purchases or upgrades to Samsung Glyde or Verizon Wireless Juke by Samsung at participating Verizon Wireless or Circuit City locations, registers the purchase online and installs Verizon Wireless' V CAST Music with Rhapsody software on their computers" between Sept. 2 and Nov. 1, 2008 is eligible for a chance to win a three-day trip with the Jonas Brothers to Atlantis Paradise Island Resort in the Bahamas.

Man, that's a lot of brands I'm now pissed at. Not to mention that the purported dates of the promotion entry period have expired.

I went to the National Do Not Call Registry to see what gives with my registration. The site looks like it was designed by a federal agency. Which, of course, it was -- the Federal trade Commission. But I was assured quite clearly at the top of the page: "Your registration will not expire" since Congress passed the "Do-Not-Call Improvement Act of 2007." And it was surprisingly simple to verify that all three of my landlines have been registered since Sept. 13, 2003.

I went through all this partly because earlier this week a friend informed me that all of our mobile phone numbers were about to be "released" to the nefarious telemarketers. She was beside herself in panic. I needed to make sure.

Indeed, it turned out to be a hoary Internet rumor . But it is really difficult to sort out what's legitimate and what's not legitimate about direct marketing tactics nowadays.

I've got to tell you that I hesitated to call the 410-910-0614 number that one of the Jonas lads gave me for fear that my request to get off the list would, in fact, assure that I'd be marked as a live wire and be sold to other lists, as happens when you reply to email spam.

Intrepid reporter that I am, however, I called and, after a few busy signals and only three voicejail options to consider, actually connected with a real person at Verizon.

The reason Verizon was able to call me about "new products and services" is, of course, that I am an existing customer. I protested that The Jonas Brothers weren't exactly a new product but you don't need me to tell you where that got me. All it did was prolong the seven-minute agony of getting my three landline numbers removed from Verizon's very own "Do Not Call" list. Within a warp-speed 30 days.

Oy. Twitter. Telemarketers. Impenetrable poetry. ITunes on in the background. Newsradio 880 wafting in from the kitchen. IMs from my editor asking what's holding up the column. No wonder my novel is 30 years in the making .

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