• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, March 6, 2009

In the nuclear winter of the ad business, a tiny little eranthis hyemalis pokes its head out of the manure pile: Arguing that you and I adapt quickly to enjoyable activities, which decline in pleasure over time ("The first kiss is magic. The second is intimate. The third is routine," according to Raymond Chandler) researchers in a New York Timesstory on Tuesday said that TV commercials help us renew the joy of watching a show, by interrupting and letting the pleasure "reset." And not just TV. In similar experiments, using other video clips and a variety of interruptions, the results were the same: people rated their experiences as more enjoyable with commercials.

Get used to it. You'll be seeing references to this story in the next 300 streaming video, broadcast and cable net PowerPoints you have to sit through. In fact, you may want to take a few bathroom breaks in mid-presentation in order to reset your joy in sitting through 38 panels.

Hard to argue that over time the things that bring us pleasure can diminish. Raise your hand if you secretly hate your spouse and/or kids. Remember when just a sip of wine was sufficient? Sneaking a 10-second peek at Miss April was certainly more of a turn on than the relentless grind of online porn videos. But these are things that happen over a long period of time (if you already hate your spouse on the way back from the honeymoon, don't wait to call your lawyer thinking that the big new house will make up for the lout). But even if "24" runs back to back for two hours like it did this week (I say if they slap the President again we nuke Sangala) I don't need anything more than an ice cream break to renew my pleasure. And I am not watching commercials when I curse my kids under my breath for eating all but a single spoonful of the cookie dough.

But commercials pop up about every 6 or 8 minutes or so. Who has time to generate satisfying viewing pleasure in that short a space of time? I would argue just the opposite, that just when you think the show is getting interesting you are jolted by some actor smiling because he finally took a chunk-free dump or is pretty sure his erection will be there when she comes back from walking the dog. This is precisely why God interrupted creating the heavens and earth to declare 'Oh, and let there be digital video recorders!" And it was done so.

I would match the sheer pleasure I get out of fast forwarding through commercials and hitting PLAY the very split second the show resumes, with any joy generated by seeing college kids near orgasm because they got one beer brand over another particularly because commercial pods absolutely do not prompt me to sit back, smoke a bong-full and reflect on how much I am enjoying my show and how I just can't wait for it to return. And how thankful I should be for this chance to introspect and show gratitude to Ford, Sprint and Cisco.

Somehow I managed to watch year after year of "Oz" and "The Sopranos" and "The Wire" and never once thought to my selfish self, "Geez, I'll bet I'd enjoy these shows a little more if I they were interrupted for 20 minutes out of 60 with ads to give me a chance to renew my joy in having followed them season after season."

And I thought I was unhappy because of the stock market.