Blogs Go Prime Time

by George Simpson, Dec 21, 2007, 7:30 AM

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Although the networks are actually saving money during the writer's strike, not having to produce (or buy) most of the hit shows that attract audiences and advertisers, it is only a matter of time before they run out of reality contest ideas and turn inevitably to the Web for programming. Herewith, the midseason Monday and Tuesday 9-10 p.m. slate for the Big Three (sorry, Fox, you just missed the cut).

Monday

CBS: Celebrityinsider-photosnews.blogspot.com rotates a series of nude photos of French Olympic gold medalist swimmer Laure Manaudou. It is said that the photos were taken by her ex-boyfriend Luca Marin, although he has denied posting the pictures as revenge following their split. Rating expected to far surpass "Two and a Half Men" and "Rules of Engagement" (combined and multiplied by 5).

NBC: Politicalpartypoop.com's Snoop reviews news stories and blog posts on some political endorsements, incredulous that candidates are falling all over themselves, (like Hillary beaming because of the Des Moines Register's endorsement of her campaign) over these celebrity and editorial board ego strokes. Will be seen once by Snoop's immediate family and drinking buddies, and thereafter set a record for lowest-rated prime-time show since the last "Seinfeld" knockoff.

ABC: twodolla.org's Wendy explains why today has been a shitty day. Some highlights:

"My back, thanks to eight hours of baking cookies this weekend, could quite possibly crumble at any second. Ever since The Wreck of '06, it's never been the same, and that means I know have to pay out of pocket to visit my friend the chiropractor. Lovely. It hurts to sit, stand, walk, lay, cough, and pee.

"Due to allergies, Riley can't stay inside at my parent's house anymore. He has to stay in the garage, which not only scares me, but also makes me sad. A whole hell of a lot sadder than I thought it would.

"Old Navy doesn't sell the douchey slip-on canvas shoes like they sell online, and I hate the idea of paying a whopping $5 in shipping just because they're too stupid to carry plus-size clothes AND men's shoes in the stores."

Takes off like a rocket and becomes smash new reality show.

Tuesday

CBS: Yeeeah! (for snarky people) debates if Britney was unaware of sister Jamie Lynn's pregnancy; if the self-proclaimed "King of Pop" Michael Jackson has undergone another bout of plastic surgery; if Tara Reid was drunk when she took a major spill the night before her big Bali photo shoot for an Australian clothing company; and other urgencies of the day. Because the site is repped by Gorilla Nation, tacky "Congratulations You Won!" banners float over the talking heads, but since TV isn't interactive, viewers never find out that they in fact haven't won a thing (except a come-on from Free Lotto.) Since actual celebrities never show up, ratings drift slowly downward.

NBC: Seth Godin recounts how, at the end of November, he flew out to give a speech to 350 Google folks on the best way to for Google to work with partners, in which he points out that AOL, Microsoft, Yahoo and others before them had had the same challenges in building an environment that attracted partners and media companies. ("I had run companies that worked with each of them," he enthuses). Show initially has following in Silicon Alley and Valley, but ratings trail off when viewers find the show too much about Seth and not enough about them.

ABC: At0mica.net's Heather Onnen gives viewers a behind-the-scenes look at her life at KSU. "There are, as usual, about a million things I would love to be updating/making/doing/etc. but I simply don't have the time. I suppose I could make the time, but then my calculus homework would not get done, and it is unfortunately for a grade. Anyone coming here looking for "e-drama"--please head elsewhere." Viewers hang on hoping that the coed will install a live cam in her dorm room, but she doesn't--and the show is canceled in favor of Love is in the air, which grabs viewers right away with "Hello!!! Today watched Alvin & the chipmunks. It was funny like hell man!!! HAHA!!! Anyway, yesterday my cousin came over man!! She is the cousin I hate most!! I mean not the really hate, its juz I don't like her!! She sux!!! Then I told her we watching Alvin & the chipmunks, then she say she also watching."

The story you have just read is an attempt to blend fact and fiction in a manner that provokes thought, and on a good day, merriment. It would be ill-advised to take any of it literally. Take it, rather, with the same humor with which it is intended. Cut and paste or link to it at your own peril.

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